Puns and One-liners

The door was not open enough for peanut butter.
But it was ajar.

Tip-jar humor in our local coffee shop: “Afraid of Change? Leave It Here.”

-VR

if you eat aluminum, you sheet metal

science teacher: scorpions have 10 to 12 eyes
kid (taking notes) s-c-o-r-p-i-i-i-i-i-i-i-i-i-i-i-i-i-o-n which is it? 10 or 12?

remember mood rings?
i lost mine, and i don't know how to feel about that

Update: Went to the doctor this morning, for my test results...

He thinks I have PneumonoultramicroscopicsilivolcanIosis - but at the moment it's hard to say.

A photon walked into a hotel.
The porter asked if he had any luggage.
No replied the photon, I'm travelling light.

she likes her chocolate
i took her chocolate bars and put em different chocolate bar wrappers and she got her snickers all in a twix

I don't trust mime artists. They do unspeakable things.

Luke Skywalker waxed poetic when he stated: "Metaphors be with you."

imma gonna tell you a story about rattlesnake hunting out in west texas
get ready, because this is a real shaky tale

The nun said she didn't know any double entendres, so the bishop gave her one.

I tried to come up with a carpentry pun that woodwork.
I thought I nailed it, but nobody saw it...

My drug test came back negative. My dealer sure has some 'splaining to do! 😠

In the school I went to, they asked a kid to prove the law of gravity and he threw the teacher out of the window. 😆 😛 😀