@eladar saidSo you tell yourself that the way you acquit yourself is absent of this supernatural influence - "the spirit" - but the "message" that you are so insecure about, you believe, does involve "the spirit". Is that it?
No, that is likely just me. The spirit would say quit throwing pearls before swine.
Then, why do you persist? What is the scriptural basis for bringing your religion into disrepute by acting in such an intellectually ridiculous and seemingly self-loathing way in public?
If "the spirit" would be against it, why do you do it?