1. Standard memberSwissGambit
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    01 Apr '14 20:071 edit
    I heard something last night. A whisper of something. "Change your wicked ways", it said. I can't help but wonder. Was it the voice of God? What do you guys think?

    I'm just not sure what to do right now. I try for 2 decades to have a conversation with him. Nothing. Then I do a decade as an atheist, becoming more and more outspokenly anti-god, as you all have witnessed. (I have actually been an atheist for longer, but I do not wish to give my age away myself that exactly).

    It's not fair. Why this? Why now? Why did he let me just go on and on bashing him and his followers like that for so long? If only he had said something sooner.

    I'm afraid all my anti-god posts this morning were just a facade. I'm so confused right now. 🙁
  2. Joined
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    01 Apr '14 20:11
    Originally posted by SwissGambit
    I heard something last night. A whisper of something. "Change your wicked ways", it said. I can't help but wonder. Was it the voice of God? What do you guys think?

    I'm just not sure what to do right now. I try for 2 decades to have a conversation with him. Nothing. Then I do a decade as an atheist, becoming more and more outspokenly anti-god, as you a ...[text shortened]...
    I'm afraid all my anti-god posts this morning were just a facade. I'm so confused right now. 🙁
    So you finally admit to Christian bashing?

    😛
  3. Territories Unknown
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    01 Apr '14 20:48
    Originally posted by SwissGambit
    I heard something last night. A whisper of something. "Change your wicked ways", it said. I can't help but wonder. Was it the voice of God? What do you guys think?

    I'm just not sure what to do right now. I try for 2 decades to have a conversation with him. Nothing. Then I do a decade as an atheist, becoming more and more outspokenly anti-god, as you a ...[text shortened]...
    I'm afraid all my anti-god posts this morning were just a facade. I'm so confused right now. 🙁
    I get that all the time.

    Sometimes it's gas.
    Sometimes it's an over-worked sense of self desperately trying to work out unnamed and latent guilt.

    Sometimes it's knowledge of the game clock coupled with the gut check of knowing--- any second now--- I could be face to face with Truth and will be made to account for my time in the game.

    No matter what the impetus, I recall certain promises and without the slightest premise of reciprocity, I take Him up on as many as I can remember.
    It usually starts with this one, from I John 1:9:

    If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness.

    As long as I have a breath in my lung and a thought in my head, He has a plan for my life.

    I spent a spell of time fighting Him, too.
    Got my ass kicked and good.
    Some of that reverberates nearly 20 years later... and I'm still okay with it.

    Finally figured out He's way smarter than I could have ever imagined.
    Also figured out He can withstand any attack, from any angle, at any time, by any one.

    I think you're in the best spot possible.
  4. Standard memberGrampy Bobby
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    01 Apr '14 21:211 edit
    Originally posted by SwissGambit
    I heard something last night. A whisper of something. "Change your wicked ways", it said. I can't help but wonder. Was it the voice of God? What do you guys think?

    I'm just not sure what to do right now. I try for 2 decades to have a conversation with him. Nothing. Then I do a decade as an atheist, becoming more and more outspokenly anti-god, as you a ...[text shortened]...
    I'm afraid all my anti-god posts this morning were just a facade. I'm so confused right now. 🙁
    SG, in taking your anecdotal reference at face value I'm immediately reminded of Clive Lewis' candid confession:

    “You must picture me alone in that room in Magdalen, night after night, feeling, whenever my mind lifted even for a second from my work, the steady, unrelenting approach of Him whom I so earnestly desired not to meet. That which I greatly feared had at last come upon me. In the Trinity Term of 1929 I gave in, and admitted that God was God, and knelt and prayed: perhaps, that night, the most dejected and reluctant convert in all England. I did not then see what is now the most shining and obvious thing; the Divine humility which will accept a convert even on such terms. The Prodigal Son at least walked home on his own feet. But who can duly adore that Love which will open the high gates to a prodigal who is brought in kicking, struggling, resentful, and darting his eyes in every direction for a chance of escape? The words “compelle intrare,” compel them to come in, have been so abused by wicked men that we shudder at them; but, properly understood, they plumb the depth of the Divine mercy. The hardness of God is kinder than the softness of men, and His compulsion is our liberation.” - C.S. Lewis, Surprised by Joy Thread 155320 (Page 15)
  5. Standard memberSwissGambit
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    01 Apr '14 23:05
    Originally posted by FreakyKBH
    I get that all the time.

    Sometimes it's gas.
    Sometimes it's an over-worked sense of self desperately trying to work out unnamed and latent guilt.

    Sometimes it's knowledge of the game clock coupled with the gut check of knowing--- any second now--- I could be face to face with Truth and will be made to account for my time in the game.

    No matter wh ...[text shortened]... ny attack, from any angle, at any time, by any one.

    I think you're in the best spot possible.
    Tell me something...does it get any less confusing with time? I sure hope it doesn't go on like this for years and years. It seems like everything that happens spiritually in my life takes such a long time.
  6. Standard memberSwissGambit
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    01 Apr '14 23:08
    Originally posted by Grampy Bobby
    SG, in taking your anecdotal reference at face value I'm immediately reminded of Clive Lewis' candid confession:

    “You must picture me alone in that room in Magdalen, night after night, feeling, whenever my mind lifted even for a second from my work, the steady, unrelenting approach of Him whom I so earnestly desired not to meet. [i]That which I gre ...[text shortened]... pulsion is our liberation.” - C.S. Lewis, Surprised by Joy Thread 155320 (Page 15)
    Sigh. All these years I have built up so many good arguments against it. I fear I am going to be kicking and screaming for awhile.
  7. Territories Unknown
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    01 Apr '14 23:261 edit
    Originally posted by SwissGambit
    Tell me something...does it get any less confusing with time? I sure hope it doesn't go on like this for years and years. It seems like everything that happens spiritually in my life takes such a long time.
    Here's some encouraging news:
    When I finally realized the inevitable and began the long, arduous crawl over broken glass back... it actually got harder and harder!
    At first, it was effing relentless.
    Every step in the right direction was met with unbelievable opportunities to return to status quo.
    I can't even tell you all of the crap I went through which would adequately express the pain and sheer utter bullchip I endured in the trip back: every one's tolerance is set at different levels.
    Suffice to say, He knew how to get my attention--- and this all started after I decided to go the right direction, i.e., change my wicked ways.

    Without question, going back in the wrong direction always looked more enticing, more attractive than moving forward in the right one.
    Persists to this day, albeit many times abated from the first leg of the journey.
    Every so often, there is that 'call of the open road,' so to speak, which seems to be whispering my name
    e v e r s o s e d u c t i v e l y
    coyly suggesting I give it all up and return to my life of comfort.
    I just take it in stride.

    I really couldn't give a rat's ass how comfortable I could be.
    I don't care if I go through twice went Job endured.
    I know that He is Truth, I am a liar, and I need Him more than I need me.
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    01 Apr '14 23:281 edit
    Originally posted by SwissGambit
    Tell me something...does it get any less confusing with time? I sure hope it doesn't go on like this for years and years. It seems like everything that happens spiritually in my life takes such a long time.
    You cannot change your ways on your own.
    You have to open your heart and invite Jesus Christ to come in and begin to change you from the inside.

    You cannot change yourself or otherwise you would have.
    And when you find that you cannot change it is then often you become bitter towards God. And then you wish to be atheist because you feel an impossible demand is upon you.

    But God knows what we are before we did. He knows that we need a transformation from within. He only wants us to invite Jesus into our heart and be willing to be worked on by His Spirit.

    By the way, He said that HE can restore the years that the cankor worm has eaten.

    Other Translations of Joel 2:25

    And I will restore to you the yeeres that the locust hath eaten, the canker worme, and the caterpiller, and the palmer worme, my great armie which I sent among you.
    - King James Version (1611) - View 1611 Bible Scan

    "Then I will make up to you for the years That the swarming locust has eaten, The creeping locust, the stripping locust and the gnawing locust, My great army which I sent among you.
    - New American Standard Version (1995)

    And I will restore to you the years that the locust hath eaten, the canker-worm, and the caterpillar, and the palmer-worm, my great army which I sent among you.
    - American Standard Version (1901)

    I will give back to you the years which were food for the locust, the plant-worm, the field-fly, and the worm, my great army which I sent among you.
    - Basic English Bible


    His precious blood cleanses us from ALL sins and He can restore the damaged and wasted years being eaten up by the wasting wandering in alienation from God.

    I am taking you at face value that you are not joking around.
  9. Standard memberSwissGambit
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    01 Apr '14 23:48
    Originally posted by FreakyKBH
    Here's some encouraging news:
    When I finally realized the inevitable and began the long, arduous crawl over broken glass back... it actually got harder and harder!
    At first, it was effing relentless.
    Every step in the right direction was met with unbelievable opportunities to return to status quo.
    I can't even tell you all of the crap I went through wh ...[text shortened]... ice went Job endured.
    I know that He is Truth, I am a liar, and I need Him more than I need me.
    Great. So basically you're saying it only gets worse from here. 🙁
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    01 Apr '14 23:49
    Originally posted by SwissGambit
    I heard something last night. A whisper of something. "Change your wicked ways", it said. I can't help but wonder. Was it the voice of God? What do you guys think?

    I'm just not sure what to do right now. I try for 2 decades to have a conversation with him. Nothing. Then I do a decade as an atheist, becoming more and more outspokenly anti-god, as you a ...[text shortened]...
    I'm afraid all my anti-god posts this morning were just a facade. I'm so confused right now. 🙁
    Any idea which particular conception of God it was?
  11. Standard memberSwissGambit
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    01 Apr '14 23:51
    Originally posted by sonship
    You cannot change your ways on your own.
    You have to open your heart and invite Jesus Christ to come in and begin to change you from the inside.

    You cannot change yourself or otherwise you would have.
    And when you find that you cannot change it is then often you become bitter towards God. And then you wish to be atheist because you feel an impossib ...[text shortened]... ering in alienation from God.

    I am taking you at face value that you are not joking around.
    But the voice told me to change. I don't think God wants me until I do.
  12. Standard memberSwissGambit
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    01 Apr '14 23:52
    Originally posted by ThinkOfOne
    Any idea which particular conception of God it was?
    No. I'm really not sure. Too soon to tell.
  13. Standard memberRBHILL
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    01 Apr '14 23:56
    Originally posted by SwissGambit
    I heard something last night. A whisper of something. "Change your wicked ways", it said. I can't help but wonder. Was it the voice of God? What do you guys think?

    I'm just not sure what to do right now. I try for 2 decades to have a conversation with him. Nothing. Then I do a decade as an atheist, becoming more and more outspokenly anti-god, as you a ...[text shortened]...
    I'm afraid all my anti-god posts this morning were just a facade. I'm so confused right now. 🙁
    😉
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    02 Apr '14 00:031 edit
    Originally posted by SwissGambit
    But the voice told me to change. I don't think God wants me until I do.
    Yesterday is gone. Each day with God is a fresh new day.

    Today is today and what shall you do ?
    I would not be fixated on some experience of yesterday.

    Today is today.

    There is a way to start with the top of your head and work your way down.

    You confess the known sins of your eyes - what you have looked at. Confess the known sins of your eyes.

    Then you go down to your ears. You confess the known sins concerning the things you have listened to.

    Then you go down to your mouth. You confess the known sins of your mouth - the unclean and evil things you have spoken. You confess each of the sins of the members of your body. You claim the cleansing power of the blood of Christ.

    You work your way down to perhaps your hands next. You confess the sinful things you are aware of that you have put your hands to.

    Then the lower members of your body all the way down to your feet. That is you confess the places your feet have walked to carry you.

    You confess the known offenses, the known sins you are aware of - from the top of your body down to your feet. Confessing and thanking the Lord Jesus for the cleansing power of His blood.

    This should bring you into the presence of the Holy Spirit. Just this much in the privacy of your room with the Lord God will be very effective.
  15. Standard membersonship
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    02 Apr '14 00:06
    I will not chat any more with you this evening. I would hope that if you are serious you will go to have a time with the Lord Jesus as I have instructed.

    Then we can talk further to see how you made out.
    Goodnight.

    Jesus loves you.
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