Yes you can call me flippant and sacraligous of your nasty beliefs about my god; but if you want to hold to these beliefs then you need to be able to defend them.
It could be that you should take your serious problems to God Himself over a period of time, in prayer.
The company you keep can sometimes corrupt your morals. Like in the Corinthian church, some believers scoffed at the thought of the resurrection from the dead. After Paul went through much explanation to help them he then dedicates some of his talk to warn them that the company they are keeping has a negative moral effect on them.
Paul has spent 32 verses explaining their problem -
resurrection. Then suprisingly he says this:
"Do not be deceived: evil companionships corrupts good morals. (v.33)
Awake from the drunken stupor righteously and do not sin, for some of you are ignorant of God, I speak to your shame. (v.34)
They may have had substantial problems with God's ability to raise the dead. But something in the way they expressed their problems indicated morally they were ill effected. This put them in a drunken stupor acting like the worldly unbelievers.
If you want to confess Christ as your Lord and Savior, I think you should take your stumbling block of something He has said to God to see if you can get through with the Holy Spirit.
There is no shame in that.
but if you want to hold to these beliefs then you need to be able to defend them.
If by "defend" "these [held] beliefs" you mean you must argue until the world sees it the way you do, I don't see that as a requirement from Jesus Christ.
Perhaps that is your arbitrary requirement. My NT says to be ready to give a defense for the hope that is in you with humility. It doesn't say be ready to
force all naysayers into agreement.
"But sanctify Christ as Lord in your hearts, being always ready for a defense to everyone who asks of you an account concerning the hope which is in you,
Yet with meekness and fear, having a good conscience, ..." (See 1 Peter 3:15,16a)