And My Axe (poem)
Danny said he didn’t like the spooky old hotel,
but Wendy said the solitude just might suit me well.
We bid farewell to all the staff and settled in our rooms,
as snow engulfed the building turning palace into tomb.
The warnings stood before me just like writing on a wall,
while Danny saw the twins appear down one deserted hall.
Wendy grew concerned as I typed away each day,
as working hard can make one dull, especially with no play.
Lloyd the smiling bartender was ready with a drink,
while something Mr Grady said, made me stop and think.
Had I always been the caretaker, or had I lost my mind?
So I took a stroll to 237 to see what I could find.
The horror was unspeakable; the hotel came to life
soon Wendy was attacking me with baseball bat and knife.
In the end, confusion reigned as I lost track of facts…
limping down the hallways with my illness and my axe.
Originally posted by rbmorrisnice song - which artist is it by? 😉
[b]And My Axe (poem)
Danny said he didn’t like the spooky old hotel,
but Wendy said the solitude just might suit me well.
We bid farewell to all the staff and settled in our rooms,
as snow engulfed the building turning palace into tomb.
The warnings stood before me just like writing on a wall,
while Danny saw the twins appear down one desert ...[text shortened]... nfusion reigned as I lost track of facts…
limping down the hallways with my illness and my axe.[/b]
Here's a few short ones:
Shadows come, from the sky;
Grim is here;
A glow in his eye;
He points down a narrow path;
With anger and true wrath;
For me to wonder for the rest of time;
Even though I commit no crime;
I lift my head with pain on my shoulders;
As I walk to the land of black and horrible sounds of beholders;
The scythe slashes "Crash" down;
Cutting my soul into the ground;
Anger explodes through my veins;
And now with death no one has anything to gain;
Only me, with pain;
Sorrow rush through my body;
As evil comes near and haunts me;
Humanity looks at me;
As god; of deep beneath.
Originally posted by stockenYou have some talent, for sure! 🙂
We meet up after work as agreed.
We meet by the steady ol' oak.
A tender kiss and a smile combine,
under cloud scattered skies.
And after we've walked the leaf padded, meandering road,
hand in hand through chill struck air.
Beams of light, touched by red and yellow,
fall through nature's daywise thinning coat.
And after we've walked through the r ...[text shortened]... 's *
Nae, just kidding. I'm here to pester your existence like forever! 😀
Originally posted by SJ247Constructive criticism:
You're not giving constructive criticism and feedback.
This is a mawkish, cliched and shallow stab at capturing a hackneyed poetic idea of "autumn-ness". The fact it is apparently "best enjoyed with Rod Stewart's I Don't Want to Talk About It" tells you everything you need to know. That is the song they play in the elevators taking you down to HELL.
Almost every adjectival phrase has been used before many, many times and thus has no power to move ("tender kiss", "cloud-scattered skies", "falling darkness", "chill-struck air", "deserted grounds", "shimmering pond", etc). In this respect it's almost a parody of a certain type of poem. Or rather it's the work of someone who has certainly read poems, but lacks any originality or poetic inspiration of his own.
Look, we can sit around slapping Stocken on the back like this was some happy-clappy writers' circle. But when the dips have been thrown out, the reasonably-priced Pinot Grigio emptied from the paper cups, and everyone's gone home with a smug grin on their face, the fact will remain: this poem sucks. Big time.
rbmorris' work, on the other hand, shows promise.
Oh, I forgot, the constructive part: THROW IT AWAY AND NEVER WRITE ANOTHER POEM AS LONG AS YOU LIVE.
You are welcome.
brains in bodies that have far outgrown them
too cold, too dumb, too blind to feel
ignorant of what's coming up (it's coming up)
or just wise enough to not even try to partake
hiding in empty caves made of empty words
fondling each others butts secretly
("may I call you mommy?", so they whisper to each other)
trying to paint their weakness as strength
because their weakness is all they have
hollow laughter
hot air
going nowhere
it made me sad sometimes, so long ago
but
the repetition
the sameness
the predictability
numbs my heart, it can weep no more
*bows*
Originally posted by dottewellElitist sheep.
Constructive criticism:
This is a mawkish, cliched and shallow stab at capturing a hackneyed poetic idea of "autumn-ness". The fact it is apparently "best enjoyed with Rod Stewart's I Don't Want to Talk About It" tells you everything you need to know. That is the song they play in the elevators taking you down to HELL.
Almost every adjectival ...[text shortened]... WAY AND NEVER WRITE ANOTHER POEM AS LONG AS YOU LIVE.
You are welcome.
Originally posted by Starrman1. Your assumption is incorrect!
I think you're mistaking this forum for a sensible, constructive arena for discussion. You're also not in on the joke.
2. I'm not interested in your minor jokes that you are a party to, if you believe in such.
3. I have read your forum input for the last week, and it contains nothing but trivia and insult to the general site users here.
4. You do not play chess!
5. WTF are you doing here otherwise???
-M
Originally posted by mikelomHaha, who made you Arrakis for the day?
1. Your assumption is incorrect!
2. I'm not interested in your minor jokes that you are a party to, if you believe in such.
3. I have read your forum input for the last week, and it contains nothing but trivia and insult to the general site users here.
4. You do not play chess!
5. WTF are you doing here otherwise???
-M
I don't care whether you're in on the joke or not, it wasn't aimed at you. I'm glad you're so interested in my conduct, but seriously, just get over the fact that I expressed a lack of interest in your personal life a few weeks ago.
And furthermore, this forum is a swamp, if you want serious discourse, venture onto dry land.
Originally posted by Starrman🙁
Haha, who made you Arrakis for the day?
I don't care whether you're in on the joke or not, it wasn't aimed at you. I'm glad you're so interested in my conduct, but seriously, just get over the fact that I expressed a lack of interest in your personal life a few weeks ago.
And furthermore, this forum is a swamp, if you want serious discourse, venture onto dry land.
Sorry. 😳
🙁
Thought I was wrong in th ebeginning!
ebeginning being a word That IS above us ALL! 😏
Then again - nothing is above you is it? ... or is it?? ;(
Good God! Get adegree ( albeit Dgeree - in Thai THAT IS){degree} in Psychology! Then get on your high horse and lecture me! 😏