Originally posted by Hand of HecateI didn't know I was a Capricorn!
God damn it, I'm working on it you pushy bastard.
You are a goat, a mean spirited, sexually selfish, wishy washy, smelly goat. Capricorns keep to themselves and harbour deeply personal thoughts. All alter boy buggering Catholic Priests are Capricorns.
People think that you are practical and prudent, little do they know that this is strongly ...[text shortened]... ." Subsequently, you're cat will get hungry and eat the eyes out of your corpse.
2 edits
Originally posted by CrowleyHmm... you're something of an enigma... Aries are typically dynamic and quick witted, whereas, you are moronically dull, have the acumen of a mushroom and are glacially slow in the wit department. Still, most of the other Aries traits fit you well.
So Capricorns are emo...?
3 April 1979
Aries are commonly thought of as adventurous and energetic. As a result, many Aries start their own businesses and/or are involved in complex money making schemes. All Aries business ventures are doomed to failure as they couldn’t plan their way out of a wet paper bag. Typically, these ventures start out well, ramp up like a rocket and explode into spectacular failure. All ‘As Seen On TV’ hosts are Aries. In addition to being naturally on edge all the time, most Aries have a serious addiction to caffeine and other stimulants. As a result of being constantly wired, everyone around you thinks you’re a squirrelly bastard. Really, you need to hire someone to stand behind you all day and give you a good slap upside the head every time you go to do something stupid.
Regardless, your pioneering spirit shows courage. Keep in mind that while all of the great explorers are Aries, for every great explorer there are dozens of other Aries lying dead in an ice trench, dying of some bizarre intestinal parasite or cannibalized by their fellow explorers. Your enthusiasm and confidence is often misplaced and I’ve yet to meet an Aries that could follow even the simplest of warnings. Telling an Aries not to touch something because it’s hot is a great way to watch them burn their fingers. This also explains why Aries refuse to wear condoms and are the number one carriers of the AIDS, Syphilis, and many other drippy, pustualant or scabby disease of the groinal region.
While Aries often come across as being unusually friendly, if somewhat forceful, we quickly realize that they are selfish and quick-tempered. They are only being friendly to get something from you and you’ll find it almost impossible to get a word in edgewise during a conversation. While Aries often migrate to leadership roles, they are frequently fragged by their own men. The best way to deal with an Aries is to put them on point and hope they catch a snipers bullet, step on a mine or take a punji stick mantrap in the face.
Ultimately, your foolhardy and daredevil nature will get the best of you and you’ll talk back to one too many traffic cops. This will earn you a face full of pepper spray, baton sodomization and a good tazering in a Rodney King style beat down. Fortunately, you’ll recover from your injuries and get a great job as an African Nature Show Host where you’ll be torn apart and beaten to death with your own spleen by a bunch of crazed baboons.
Originally posted by Hand of HecateCalling Crowley an enigma is like calling an ant-hill Mt Everest.
Hmm... you're something of an enigma... Aries are typically dynamic and quick witted, whereas, you are moronically dull, have the acumen of a mushroom and are glacially slow in the wit department. Still, most of the other Aries traits fit you well.
Aries are commonly thought of as adventurous and energetic. As a result, many Aries start their o ...[text shortened]... ere you’ll be torn apart and beaten to death with your own spleen by a bunch of crazed baboons.
Originally posted by Hand of HecateYou skipped me, bruckmunt.
I recently discovered that I have psychic powers and a gift for astrology.
If you provide me with your birthdate and some basic background information, I will craft a precise horoscope for you. (Background info can include your full name, address, social security number, mother's maiden name and any credit card/bank account numbers you have available. This information will further help me to zero in on your future.)
Originally posted by Hand of HecateBluddy hell, looks like you found your long lost twin brother.
Well, according to the Zodiac, that makes you a Scorpio. I should have known really, Scorpios are pricks.
You are intense, passionate and quick witted. Basically, these are your only good traits and most people think that you're an obnoxious twit. Sadly, you use your keen perception and complex analytical skills to belittle and victimize those ...[text shortened]... en self loathing. Don't worry too much though as you'll drag everyone else down with you.
😉