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Handy household hints.

Handy household hints.

General

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If your next house also explodes unexpectedly, try buying a non - exploding house.

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You can remove stains in fabric with scissors... works every time.

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Originally posted by Grampy Bobby
My neighbor Anita says: "Cottage Cheese stays fresher longer if stored upside down in the fridge."
Our local deli sells cottage cheese already upside down
in the container for that very reason!

Apparently Edam stays fresher longer if put in the fridge
back-to-front; something to do with it being made backwards.

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if you wake up in bed with a sharp knife in your hand and blood everywhere you can be quite sure there is a dead body next to you.

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De-odourise your microwave oven by placing inside it a saucer containing water and a few drops of fresh lemon juice and turning on for 30 seconds. You can also leave a dish with the same mixture around the house to help remove odours.

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You can increase food storage time for any food by not eating it. Just buy more instead and eat that.

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If you're sick of cleaning up after your pet, buy another pet that is one of it's natural predators. This can be repeated until you own a tiger or a pod of orcas.

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The post that was quoted here has been removed
Washing works too, but using scissors gets the job done quicker.

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Originally posted by NoEarthlyReason
If you're sick of cleaning up after your pet, buy another pet that is one of it's natural predators. This can be repeated until you own a tiger or a pod of orcas.
Carry this to its' natural conclusion and you will end up with a pet human being; they kill everything.

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Repeat the phrase 'I must clean the house sometime' to yourself several times during the course of a day. The house will not be any cleaner but you will feel better about yourself.

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Originally posted by Indonesia Phil
Carry this to its' natural conclusion and you will end up with a pet human being; they kill everything.
I did once, and it was not just any human being, it was... Sigourney Weaver! Then she killed me.

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if you get home and cant be bothered to cook order a takeaway.

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Originally posted by redbarons
if you get home and cant be bothered to cook order a takeaway.
Mayonnaise isn't just for ham samaches anymore. It has many other uses.

1) It makes a good hair conditioner.

2) It will help remove water rings on wood and helps to restore the woods luster.

3) You can put a thin coating on the leaves of Ivy plants and it will make them shiny and healthy. The cellulose in the mayo also helps to nourish the leaves.

4)Piano Keys a little dingy? Restore that ivory by wiping a small amount of mayo onto the dull key and leave it for five minutes or so. Then wipe off the mayo, and buff with a different cloth until the ivory shines.

5)Try dipping your nails into a mayo bath. Soak your nails, cuticles, and the rest of your fingertip in some mayonnaise. Then rinse. Stronger nails. Superwoman strong. Go ahead and click that keyboard and open those pop top soda cans.

6) Good for tar, tree sap and bumper sticker removal. A goo be gone substitute. Available free at fine fast food restaurants world wide.

7) Breaking up with your x spouse and want to get that ring off your finger. You guessed it. Mayo helps to slip it off just like W-D 40.

Mayo is easy to make with just egg white salad oil and a squeeze of lemon juice. In case you live in some remote part of the world and can't find a store that sells it.

Personally I don't like to eat it myself so I find other ways to empty that jar or packet and still get something from it.

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if yon get home and its on fire dial 999