Jokes

A little boy goes to his dad and asks, "What is politics?" The dad says, "Well son, let me try to explain it this way: I'm the breadwinner of the family, so let's call me capitalism. Your mother, she's the administrator of the money, so we'll call her the government. We're here to take care of your needs, so we'll call you the people. The nanny, we'll consider her the working class. And your baby brother, we'll call him the future. Now, think about that and see if that makes sense." The little boy goes off to bed thinking about what dad had said. Later that night, he hears his baby brother crying, so he gets up to check on him. He finds that the baby has soiled his diaper. The little boy goes to his parents' room and finds his mother sound asleep. Not wanting to wake her, he goes to the nanny's room. Finding the door locked, he peeks in the keyhole and sees his father in bed with the nanny. He gives up and goes back to bed. The next morning, the little boy says to his father, "Dad, I think I understand the concept of politics now." The father says, "Good son, tell me in your own words what you think politics is all about." The little boy replies, "Well, while capitalism is screwing the working class, the government is sound asleep, the people are being ignored and the future is in deep do do."

@great-big-stees said
A little boy goes to his dad and asks, "What is politics?" The dad says, "Well son, let me try to explain it this way: I'm the breadwinner of the family, so let's call me capitalism. Your mother, she's the administrator of the money, so we'll call her the government. We're here to take care of your needs, so we'll call you the people. The nanny, we'll consider her the ...[text shortened]... lass, the government is sound asleep, the people are being ignored and the future is in deep do do."

AWESOME! 😀

@great-big-stees said
A little boy goes to his dad and asks, "What is politics?" The dad says, "Well son, let me try to explain it this way: I'm the breadwinner of the family, so let's call me capitalism. Your mother, she's the administrator of the money, so we'll call her the government. We're here to take care of your needs, so we'll call you the people. The nanny, we'll consider her the ...[text shortened]... lass, the government is sound asleep, the people are being ignored and the future is in deep do do."

Good one!

@whodey said
Proof God is a conservative

Ecclesiastes 10:2 The heart of the wise inclines to the right, but the heart of the fool to the left.

Sounds more like God is a Republican, calling things their opposite.

@great-big-stees said
A little boy goes to his dad and asks, "What is politics?" The dad says, "Well son, let me try to explain it this way: I'm the breadwinner of the family, so let's call me capitalism. Your mother, she's the administrator of the money, so we'll call her the government. We're here to take care of your needs, so we'll call you the people. The nanny, we'll consider her the ...[text shortened]... lass, the government is sound asleep, the people are being ignored and the future is in deep do do."

A little boy goes to his dad and asks, "What is politics?" The dad says, "Well son, let me try to explain it this way: I'm the breadwinner of the family, so let's call me capitalism. Your mother, she's the administrator of the money, so we'll call her the government. We're here to take care of your needs, so we'll call you the people. The nanny, we'll consider her the working class. And your baby brother, we'll call him the future. Now, think about that and see if that makes sense." The little boy goes off to bed thinking about what dad had said. Later that night, he hears his baby brother crying, so he gets up to check on him. He finds that the baby has soiled his diaper. The little boy runs to his mother as his mother says, "I don't clean up messes, I only make them. That is why we have a nanny." The little boy then runs to his father. His father says, "I can't take care of the boy right now son, I have to go to work to try and afford the nanny your mother makes me pay for. All my money seems to go to her" The little boy then runs to the nanny as the nanny says, "Your damned father needs to dump your mother and find another woman that will make him pay me a better wage. Hell no I'm not changing his diaper!. "Just as I thought", the boy said, "Sh#t out of luck!"

Each and every day, 10 men go to a restaurant for dinner together. The bill for all 10 comes to $100 each day. If the bill were paid the way we pay our taxes, the first four would pay nothing; the fifth would pay $1; the sixth would pay $3; the seventh $7; the eighth $12; the ninth $18. The 10th man – the richest – would pay $59. Although the 10 men didn't share the bill equally, they all seemed content enough with the arrangement – until the restaurant owner threw them a curve.
"You're all very good customers," the owner said, "so I'm going to reduce the cost of your daily meal by $20. I'm going to charge you just $80 in total." The 10 men looked at each other and seemed genuinely surprised, but quite happy about the news.
The first four men, of course, are unaffected because they weren't paying anything for their meals anyway. They'll still eat for free. The big question is how to divvy up the $20 in savings among the remaining six in a way that's fair for each of them. They realized that $20 divided by six is $3.33, but if they subtract that amount from each person's share, then the fifth and sixth men would end up being paid to eat their meals. The restaurant owner suggested that it would be fair to reduce each person's bill by roughly the same percentage, and he proceeded to work out the amounts that each should pay.

The results? The fifth man paid nothing, the sixth pitched in $2, the seventh paid $5, the eighth paid $9, the ninth paid $14, leaving the 10th man with a bill of $50 instead of $59. Outside the restaurant, the men began to compare their savings. "I only got one dollar out of the $20," said the sixth man, pointing to the 10th man, "and he got $9!" "Yeah, that's right," exclaimed the fifth man. "I only saved a dollar, too! It's not fair that he got nine times more than me!" "That's true," shouted the seventh man. "Why should he get back $9 when I only got $2? The rich get all the breaks!" "Wait a minute," yelled the first four men in unison. "We didn't get anything at all. The system exploits the poor!"
The nine outraged men surrounded the 10th and brutally assaulted him. The next day, he didn't show up for dinner, so the nine sat down and ate without him. But when it came time to pay the bill, they faced a problem that they hadn't faced before. They were $50 short.

Christianity : Because you are so awful you made god kill himself

Socialism : Eventually you run out of other peoples money.


M.Thatcher

Conservatism: The abolishment of slavery doesn't mean that the poor can't practically work for free.

How do get a nun pregnant ?
Dress her up like an altar boy .

Little Irish lad sat on his step sobbing.
A passer by asked him what was wrong.
Me Ma just died the lad replied.
Bejesus the passer by said, I'll get the parish priest.
Don't bother said the lad, sex is the last thing on my mind.

Yesterday I saw a thief pick pocket a midget.
I said to him how can you stoop so low.

Secular Humanism: Because, have you made the state your lord and savior?

My wife asked me to stop singing "I'm A Believer" by the Monkees beause she found it annoying. At first I thought she was kidding.

But then I saw her face...

(Gothenburg humour, sort of... 🙂 )

Why couldn't Paddy's last wish to be buried at sea, not fulfilled?
The gravediggers kept drowning...