1. SubscriberEarl of Trumps
    Pawn Whisperer
    My Kingdom fora Pawn
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    14 Jul '19 17:33
    "I knew I was an unwanted child when my doctor told me I was born with a coat hanger in my ear"

    - Joan Rivers
  2. SubscriberEarl of Trumps
    Pawn Whisperer
    My Kingdom fora Pawn
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    14 Jul '19 17:362 edits
    What do you get when you cross Raggedy Ann with the Pillsbury Dough Boy?

    A b!tchy little red head with a yeast infection
  3. SubscriberEarl of Trumps
    Pawn Whisperer
    My Kingdom fora Pawn
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    14 Jul '19 17:554 edits
    In Podunk Georgia, Famer Browne took little Elmo to court for stealing a chicken from his chicken coop. The two now stand in front of the Judge.

    J: Ok, farmer Browne, please tell the court what you know about the theft of your chicken.

    FB: Well, yo' honna, I heard my chickens get all excited like they was being attacked or sumfn'. When I dun come running out to the coop, I saw that boy, right there, little Elmo, running from the coop, and he had a chicken under his jacket!

    J: <bangs gavel> Ah, hold on right there Farmer Browne. Are you saying you never actually *saw* the chicken...?

    FB: er, ahhh, well, I guess so, yo' honna, I never did.

    J: <<slams gavel>> The court finds little Elmo not guilty, case dismissed.

    The farmer walks away disgusted, while little Elmo just stands there, waiting patiently. Finally, little Elmo's presence gets the Judge's attention and the Judge says, "I said you can go now, little Elmo. Case dismissed"

    Little Elmo, looking perplexed then said, "Does that mean I get to keep the chicken?"
  4. Gothenburg
    Joined
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    14 Jul '19 18:25
    @earl-of-trumps said
    In Podunk Georgia, Famer Browne took little Elmo to court for stealing a chicken from his chicken coop. The two now stand in front of the Judge.

    J: Ok, farmer Browne, please tell the court what you know about the theft of your chicken.

    FB: Well, yo' honna, I heard my chickens get all excited like they was being attacked or sumfn'. When I dun come running out t ...[text shortened]... dismissed"

    Little Elmo, looking perplexed then said, "Does that mean I get to keep the chicken?"
    Good joke!
  5. Gothenburg
    Joined
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    14 Jul '19 18:26
    @earl-of-trumps said
    I know. my bad lol.

    BTW, do Swedes tell blonde jokes? Just wondering 🙂
    And if you have any American jokes, fore away! We don't have any over here
    We don't do the blonde jokes anymore, as far as I know. We used to make fun of the Norwegians, as they did of us but that too has stopped. Have we lost our sense of humour? 🙂
  6. SubscriberEarl of Trumps
    Pawn Whisperer
    My Kingdom fora Pawn
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    14 Jul '19 23:06
    @torunn said
    We don't do the blonde jokes anymore, as far as I know. We used to make fun of the Norwegians, as they did of us but that too has stopped. Have we lost our sense of humour? 🙂
    Ya, I think so, Torunn, we are losing our sense of humor, out ability to laugh at ourselves.

    I know a comedian that says he will not do colleges ever again. He says they are humorless people. Kinda sad because you can have a good time laughing
  7. Joined
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    17 Jul '19 04:23
    @earl-of-trumps said
    Ya, I think so, Torunn, we are losing our sense of humor, out ability to laugh at ourselves.

    I know a comedian that says he will not do colleges ever again. He says they are humorless people. Kinda sad because you can have a good time laughing
    If someone is unable to laugh at themselves I will be more than happy to do it for them.
  8. Joined
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    12857
    17 Jul '19 04:231 edit
    You might be a liberal if..........

    1. You have PTSD to the color Orange.

    2. You think things can really all be free. It's magic.

    3. You moved to Texas from California to get away from the insane taxes, and then turn around and vote for the same types of politicians.

    4. You really believe Obama earned his Nobel Peace prize.

    5. Everyone that disagrees with you is either a racist, a bigot, a misogynist, a neo-Nazi, insane, stupid, or all of the above.

    6. A vacation in the Dominican Republic would be great.

    7. You can't decide which you hate more, Trump, Trump or Trump.

    8, You believe Jesus was a socialist, Marx was a saint, and Christianity is evil

    9, You routinely run out of gas every November 4rth as you drive from voting booth to voting booth all day long

    10. You have not laughed at one of these jokes so far.

    11. you have not ever laughed at a joke before.

    12. You have never laughed

    13. Laughter causes you physical pain.

    14. Everyone seems to laugh at you.

    15. You believe an unborn baby is a part of a woman's body even though it did not come from her.

    16. You believe people good, Trump bad

    17. Black should move first in chess!

    18. Eating fried chicken is cultural misappropriation

    19. You support the government taking all the guns and then turn around and say Trump is Hitler.

    20. Trump is a racist for saying Omar should go back to her country but Omar can say Jews control the US government with their "Benjamins" and it's OK.
  9. Joined
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    12857
    17 Jul '19 04:28
    @ghost-of-a-duke said
    Why don't ants ever get sick?

    Because they have little anty bodies.
    I don't get it, my ant gets sick all the time. There is no end to her complaining.
  10. SubscriberSuzianne
    Misfit Queen
    Isle of Misfit Toys
    Joined
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    17 Jul '19 05:29
    @shallow-blue said
    A man packing for himself takes half an hour.

    A woman packing for herself takes half a day.

    A man packing for a woman takes the same half hour.

    A woman packing for a man takes half a minute.
    Well, it doesn't take long to throw it all out the window.
  11. Gothenburg
    Joined
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    17 Jul '19 08:02
    @suzianne said
    Well, it doesn't take long to throw it all out the window.
    That's funny. 🙂
  12. Standard memberpawnpaw
    Please Pay Attention
    Lethabong
    Joined
    02 Apr '10
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    96340
    17 Jul '19 08:10
    Two little boys overheard at a wedding:
    "So how many wives can a man have?"
    "Eight!" said the other one.
    "Four better, and four worse!"
  13. Joined
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    17 Jul '19 09:46
    @suzianne said
    Well, it doesn't take long to throw it all out the window.
    If a man said that to a woman you'd be screaming for his castration. The fair sex, my fundament.
  14. SubscriberThe Gravedigger
    Jack Torrance
    Overlook Hotel
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    17 Jul '19 09:50
    @whodey said
    You might be a liberal if..........

    1. You have PTSD to the color Orange.

    2. You think things can really all be free. It's magic.

    3. You moved to Texas from California to get away from the insane taxes, and then turn around and vote for the same types of politicians.

    4. You really believe Obama earned his Nobel Peace prize.

    5. Everyone that disagrees with y ...[text shortened]... k to her country but Omar can say Jews control the US government with their "Benjamins" and it's OK.
    You just described sonhouse perfectly.
  15. SubscriberSuzianne
    Misfit Queen
    Isle of Misfit Toys
    Joined
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    36571
    17 Jul '19 10:191 edit
    @shallow-blue said
    If a man said that to a woman you'd be screaming for his castration. The fair sex, my fundament.
    Well boo-hoo!

    Geeeeez...
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