@whodey saidThe real joke is where you get your cut and paste material.
You might be a liberal if..........
1. You have PTSD to the color Orange.
2. You think things can really all be free. It's magic.
3. You moved to Texas from California to get away from the insane taxes, and then turn around and vote for the same types of politicians.
4. You really believe Obama earned his Nobel Peace prize.
5. Everyone that disagrees with y ...[text shortened]... k to her country but Omar can say Jews control the US government with their "Benjamins" and it's OK.
@ponderable saidA socialist sees a glass and is a never ending quest to come up with a way to divide the glass and divide it up, but giving themselves most of the glass.
@sonhouse
The optimist sees the glass half full. The pessimist sees the glass half empty. The chemist sees the glass completely full, half with liquid and half with air.
The engineer sees a glass that is twice the size it needs to be.
@ponderable saidThe Astronomer's creed: If it radiates, measure it. If it doesn't, ask it for money.....
@sonhouse
The optimist sees the glass half full. The pessimist sees the glass half empty. The chemist sees the glass completely full, half with liquid and half with air.
The engineer sees a glass that is twice the size it needs to be.
@ghost-of-a-duke saidThat reminds me of the story of the lunatic who raped two women in the
So, bought a dog today from an ironmonger.
Soon as I got him home, he made a bolt for the front door.
hospital laundry before escaping. The headline in the local paper was; ...
A heavy drinker was confronted by his wife as he was set to go out to meet his friends down the pub.
"If you come home so drunk you are covered in your own vomit again, I'm going to divorce you," she warned him.
Later down the pub, he got so drunk that he threw up all over himself.
He told his friend: "If I go home like this, my wife will leave me."
His friend said: "Tell you what. Go home and tell her someone threw up over you. And put a 20 pound note in your inside jacket pocket and show it to her and say the guy who threw up on me gave me this for the dry cleaning bill."
So he arrived home covered in vomit, and his wife said: "No! No! No. No. That's it. We're done."
But he explained to her: "Someone threw up over me and, look, he gave me 20 pounds for the dry cleaning bill."
"Why have you got TWO 20 pound notes in your hand?" she asked.
"Oh, the other one is from the man who shat in my pants."
@ghost-of-a-duke saidThat's a cracker !
So, bought a dog today from an ironmonger.
Soon as I got him home, he made a bolt for the front door.
@the-gravedigger saidThanks. I am now going to ruin my good reputation with this one:
That's a cracker !
Why did the baker have brown hands?
Because he kneaded a poo.
@ghost-of-a-duke saidDisgusting!
Thanks. I am now going to ruin my good reputation with this one:
Why did the baker have brown hands?
Because he kneaded a poo.
-VR