General Forum

General Forum

  1. Joined
    02 Jan '06
    Moves
    12817
    20 Sep '19 13:48
    What's the difference between a politician and a flying pig? The letter F.
  2. Joined
    02 Jan '06
    Moves
    12817
    20 Sep '19 13:501 edit
    I had a fabulous seafood diner last night but had to stop when I pulled a mussell.
  3. Arch Stantons Grave
    Joined
    04 Feb '11
    Moves
    31479
    20 Sep '19 13:57
    The most terrifying words in the English language are: I'm from the government and I'm here to help.

    R.Reagan
  4. Joined
    02 Jan '06
    Moves
    12817
    20 Sep '19 20:08
    @the-gravedigger said
    The most terrifying words in the English language are: I'm from the government and I'm here to help.

    R.Reagan
    Government's view of the economy could be summed up in a few short phrases: If it moves, tax it. If it keeps moving, regulate it. And if it stops moving, subsidize it.

    Ronald Reagan
  5. Standard membercaissad4
    Child of the Novelty
    San Antonio, Texas
    Joined
    08 Mar '04
    Moves
    618036
    21 Sep '19 03:05
    What is a Jehovah's Witness favorite band ?
    The Doors
  6. Joined
    14 Mar '04
    Moves
    115272
    23 Sep '19 18:40
    A couple made a deal that whoever died first would come back and
    inform the other if there is sex after death.
    Their biggest fear was that there was no after life at all.
    After a long life together, Frank was the first to die.
    True to his word, he made the first contact:
    “Kris, Kris, can you hear me?”
    “Is that you, Frank?”
    “Yes, I've come back like we agreed.”
    “That's wonderful! What's it like?”
    "Well, I get up in the morning, I have sex I have breakfast and then
    it's off to the golf course"
    I have sex again, bathe in the warm sun and then have sex a couple of
    more times..
    Then I have lunch (and Kris, you'd be proud -- lots of greens).
    Another romp around the golf course, then pretty much have sex the
    rest of the afternoon.
    After supper, it's back to the golf course again.
    Then it's more sex until late at night. I catch some much needed sleep
    and then the next day it starts all over again"
    “Oh, Frank! Are you in Heaven?”
    “No -- I'm a rabbit somewhere in Arizona .”
  7. Gothenburg
    Joined
    11 Mar '16
    Moves
    15507
    23 Sep '19 19:34
    Golfer to caddie: “Why do you keep looking at your watch? I find it very distracting.”
    Caddie: “It’s not a watch, sir – it’s a compass.”
  8. Standard memberpawnpaw
    Please Pay Attention
    Lethabong
    Joined
    02 Apr '10
    Moves
    64944
    24 Sep '19 08:48
    Joe, laying on doctor's table:
    "Will I be ok, doctor?"
    Doctor: "I doubt it. Mercury is in Uranus right now."
    Joe: "I don't do that Astrology stuff."
    Doctor: "Me neither. My thermostat just broke!"
  9. Joined
    02 Jan '06
    Moves
    12817
    24 Sep '19 10:11
    So what exactly what kind of small talk does one have with a proctologist?

    For example, as the doctor is doing the examination do you ask, "So tell me doc, ever do time?"
  10. Subscriberdivegeester
    Trifling Fingerprint
    Trifling away
    Joined
    16 Feb '08
    Moves
    94928
    28 Sep '19 11:12
    Sniper being interviewed:

    Reporter: “What do you feel when you shoot a terrorist?”

    Sniper: “recoil”.
  11. Standard membercaissad4
    Child of the Novelty
    San Antonio, Texas
    Joined
    08 Mar '04
    Moves
    618036
    28 Sep '19 20:22
    What doesn't kill you makes you stronger .
    Except for bears . Bears will kill you .
  12. Subscribermoonbus
    Über-Nerd
    Joined
    31 May '12
    Moves
    4816
    30 Sep '19 18:37
    A married couple go to the cinema and order popcorn.

    Counter attendant: sweet or salty popcorn?

    Husband (winking): Just like my wife.

    Counter attendant: Sorry, we don't have ugly.
  13. Standard memberpawnpaw
    Please Pay Attention
    Lethabong
    Joined
    02 Apr '10
    Moves
    64944
    03 Oct '19 14:58
    What do you get when you combine Youtube, Twitter and Facebook...
    YouTwitFace...
  14. Standard membercaissad4
    Child of the Novelty
    San Antonio, Texas
    Joined
    08 Mar '04
    Moves
    618036
    03 Oct '19 23:37
    M . A . G . A . = My Administration Got Arrested
  15. Subscriberhakima
    Illumination
    The Razor's Edge
    Joined
    08 Sep '08
    Moves
    19597
    04 Oct '19 03:44
    At the zoo I noticed a slice of toast in one of the enclosures.

    I asked the keeper, “How did that toast get into the cage?"

    "It was bread in captivity,” she replied.
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