Jokes

@michelleon said
An oldie but a goodie :
A Shaolin monk goes into a take-away and orders a hot dog. The attendant asks what would he like with it. After some reflection the monk replies " make me one with everything"

Good one! 🙂

Paddy says to Mick, "I'm getting circumcised tomorrow"
Mick says, "I had that done when I was a few days old"
Paddy askes, "Does it hurt?"
Mick says, "Well I couldn't walk for about a year."

The wife says, "I have blisters on my hands from the broom."
The husband replies, "Well take the car next time."

Dr. Freud: Madam, we will engage in free association. I will say a word, and you say the first thing that pops into your mind.

Patient: OK.

Dr. Freud: Motorcycle.

Patient: Penis.

Dr. Freud: Hospital.

Patient: Penis.

Dr. Freud: Bamboozle.

Patient: Penis.

Dr. Freud: Holiday.

Patient: Penis.

Dr. Freud: [Holds up a painting by Joan Miro.]

Patient: Penis.

Dr. Freud: [Holds up a painting by Vassily Kandinski.]

Patient: Penis.

Dr. Freud: Roses.

Patient: Penis.

Dr. Freud: Nonsense.

Patient: Penis.

Dr. Freud: Madam, you have a cigar fixation.

Christians have been warning about the Anti-Christ for 2000 years.
So when he finally shows up, they vote for him .

@caissad4 said
Christians have been warning about the Anti-Christ for 2000 years.
So when he finally shows up, they vote for him .

But Obama did nothing for 8 long years.

@whodey said
But Obama did nothing for 8 long years.

funny

@whodey
Don't quit your day job.....

@sonhouse said
@whodey
Don't quit your day job.....

What day job?

First the doctor told me the good news: I was going to have a disease named after me.
-
Steve Martin

@caissad4 said
Christians have been warning about the Anti-Christ for 2000 years.
So when he finally shows up, they vote for him .

No, USAnian Moloch-and-Mammon-worshipers who call themselves Christians vote for him.
Real Christians in civilised countries aren't fooled.

@shallow-blue said
No, USAnian Moloch-and-Mammon-worshipers who call themselves Christians vote for him.
Real Christians in civilised countries aren't fooled.

Some don't bother to make that distinction.

What do you say to President Donald Trump if you want to keep your Cabinet job?..."You are amazingly right...all the time."

A friend of mine said she would give me a $1000 if I could build a car out of spaghetti



You should have seen the look on her face when I drove pasta.