Don't Argue With The Gay Flight Attendant
My flight was being served by an obviously gay flight attendant, who seemed to put everyone in a good mood as he served us food and drinks.
As the plane prepared to descend, he came swishing down the aisle and told us "Captain Marvey has asked me to announce that he'll be landing the big scary plane shortly, so lovely people, if you could just put your trays up, that would be super."
On his trip back up the aisle, he noticed an extremely well-dressed and exotic young woman hadn't moved a muscle. "Perhaps you didn't hear me over those big brute engines but I asked you to raise your trazy-poo, so the main man can pitty-pat us on the ground."
She calmly turned her head and said, "In my country, I am called a Princess and I take orders from no one."
To which the flight attendant replied, without missing a beat, "Well, sweet-cheeks, in my country I'm called a Queen, so I outrank you. Tray up, Bitch."
shamelessly stolen from here: http://humour.200ok.com.au/gay-flight-attendant.html
Scroll down: http://www.planetdan.net/blog/2007/06/missing-piece.htm
A young Chinese couple gets married.
She's a virgin.
Truth be told, he is a virgin too, but she doesn't know that.
On their wedding night, she cowers naked under the sheets as her husband undresses in the darkness.
He climbs into bed next to her and tries to be reassuring.
"My darring," he whispers, "I know dis your firss time and you berry frighten.
I pomise you, I give you anyting you want, I do anyting - juss anyting you want.
You juss ask... so... whatchu want?" he says, trying to sound experienced and worldly, which he hopes will impress her.
A thoughtful silence follows and he waits patiently (and eagerly) forher request.
She eventually shyly whispers back,
"I want to try someting I have heard about from other girls...
Numbaa 69."
More thoughtful silence, this time from him.
Eventually, in a puzzled tone he asks her...
"You want... Garlic Chicken with steam vegable?
Originally posted by c99uxhow come they just don't speak chinese to each other?
A young Chinese couple gets married.
She's a virgin.
Truth be told, he is a virgin too, but she doesn't know that.
On their wedding night, she cowers naked under the sheets as her husband undresses in the darkness.
He climbs into bed next to her and tries to be reassuring.
"My darring," he whispers, "I know dis your firss time and you b ...[text shortened]... asks her...
"You want... Garlic Chicken with steam vegable?
Originally posted by NordlysYou make love in the dark?..... wooh! You dunno what you're missing??....... 😏
I was wondering about that as well. But maybe they come from different parts of China and can't understand each other's dialect. Usually this can be solved by writing, but that won't work in the dark.
Professor of Botanics on Oxford had almost every possible professional succes. His only desire was to get a Nobel prize. After a long forethought he decided to go to Africa, find some unknown species of trees and publish a revolutionary work . So he did. After weeks of making its way through deserts and jungles expedition reaches a point , from which only a boat can carry them further. Professor hired some locals, and on they went. During the voyage, they heard drums in the bush , with no break. Their guide explained " if drums play it good, if drums silent it bad ,very bad ". Professor reached the trees, took some probes to analyse, made photos. On thier way back , they heard no drums . What's going on ???- asked scaried professor ??? Guide, equally frightnened answers " Oh, God, no drums, NO DRUMS... IT ' S a solo of bass .
Originally posted by ChoreantI've heard that joke, but never like that, interesting twist.
Professor of Botanics on Oxford had almost every possible professional succes. His only desire was to get a Nobel prize. After a long forethought he decided to go to Africa, find some unknown species of trees and publish a revolutionary work . So he did. After weeks of making its way through deserts and jungles expedition reaches a point , from which only ...[text shortened]... Guide, equally frightnened answers " Oh, God, no drums, NO DRUMS... IT ' S a solo of bass .
Here's another on that theme:
A married couple goes to a marraige counsler because they're having trouble getting along and speaking to each other, the counsler tries all kinds of word association games and tricks of his trade but nothing seems to get them to open up. He gives up, walks over to his closet, pulls out a stand up bass (double bass) and starts to play. The couple is sitting there completely engaged in conversation. He should have remembered:
Everyone always talks during the bass solo.