Jokes

she come over and squealed at the mess
me: what? you don't like my houseplants?
her: MOLD IS NOT A HOUSEPLANT

Why shouldn't you tell a secret on a farm?
- Because potatoes have eyes and corn have ears.

Why do people wear shamrocks on St. Patrick's Day?
- Because actual rocks are too heavy.

Why did the cabbage win the race?
- Because it was ahead.

Why was the cucumber so mad?
- Because it was in a pickle!

i apologize

profusely

if a farmer has a knack for growing almonds
is that a farmer's almond knack?

anyone else sometimes walk around in public thinking the most disgusting things in an effort to shock telepaths that are reading yer mind?

@caissad4

There's a Viagra Lite nowadays... it only gives you dirty thoughts...

@rookie54
Good one🙂

After my 93-year-old mother finished having her hair cut and shaped, the stylist announced, “There, now you look ten years younger.”
My mother, un­impressed, replied, “Who wants to look 83 years old?” 🙂 😆

@Earl-of-Trumps
There is that old song, "I wish I was 90 again''.....

ITS A CONSTANT BATTLE TO GET A HOT DRINK IN MY HOUSE


WHAT WITH THE WIFE POLLY AND OUR DAUGHTER SUKEY.

- why is the boss shouting so loud?
- he is talking to Paris.
_ Why doesn't he use the phone?

funny thread 🙂

Pickpocket (visiting friend in jail): "I hired a lawyer for you this morning, Slim, but I had to hand him my Rolex as a retainer."
Slim: "Did he keep it?"
Pickpocket: "He thinks he did."

Math Class

Teacher: Pi R squared

Student: No, Pie are round. cake are squared

Little Johnny was doing his math homework.

He said to himself, “Two plus five, that son of a bitch is seven. Three plus six, that son of a bitch is nine.”





His mother heard what he was saying and gasped, “What are you doing?"


The little boy answered, “I’m doing my math homework.”

“And this is how your teacher taught you to do it?” the mother asked.

“Yes,” he answered.

Infuriated, the mother called Little Johnny’s teacher the next day and said, “What are you teaching my son in class?”





The teacher replied, “Right now, we are learning addition.”

The mother asked, “And are you teaching them to say two plus two, that son of a bitch is four?”

After the teacher stopped laughing, she answered, “What I taught them was, two plus two, the sum of which is four.”

A father who is very much concerned about his son’s bad grades in math decides to register him at a Catholic school.

After his first term there, the son brings home his report card: he’s getting “A”s in math.

The father is, of course, pleased, but wants to know: “Why are your math grades suddenly so good?”

“You know”, the son explains, “when I walked into the classroom the first day, and I saw that guy on the wall nailed to a plus sign, I knew one thing: This place means business!”