Jokes

Times New Roman walks up to the bar. The bartender says, “We don’t serve your type.”

Optimist: the glass is 1/2 full.
Pessimist: the glass is 1/2 empty.
Excel: the glass is 1900-02-01.

@shallow-blue said
Optimist: the glass is 1/2 full.
Pessimist: the glass is 1/2 empty.
Excel: the glass is 1900-02-01.

What do you call a dog magician? A labracadabrador.

@ponderable said
engineer: The glass is double the size it needs to be.

@ponderable said
engineer: The glass is double the size it needs to be.

All females are 'bi'. You just have to figure out if it’s polar or sexual.

@earl-of-trumps said
All females are 'bi'. You just have to figure out if it’s polar or sexual.

@torunn said
Bi-sexual would make things so much easier. 🙂

@earl-of-trumps said
easier... for who? 😆

T'anx, moon man
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On a Miami­ to Chicago flight was a lively youngster who nearly drove everyone crazy. He was running up and down the aisle when the flight attendant started serving coffee. He ran smack into her, knocking a cup of coffee out of her hand and onto the floor.

As he stood by watching her clean up the mess, she glanced up at the boy and said, ‘”Look, why don’t you go and play outside?”

—Eugene Carroll

I now have a stepladder, because my real ladder left when I was a kid.

@torunn said
Bi-sexual would make things so much easier. 🙂

@ghost-of-a-duke said
I now have a stepladder, because my real ladder left when I was a kid.

What do you call bears with no ears?

B
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Ever try to eat a clock? - It’s time-consuming.