Jokes

@whodey said
It's Ok, Leftists abhor freedom of speech.

Wrong.

I'll defend your right to free speech while extolling the virtues of you not exercising that right.

@whodey

Ah, you mean the freedom of speech to scream FIRE inside a crowded theater.......

@sonhouse said
@whodey

Ah, you mean the freedom of speech to scream FIRE inside a crowded theater.......

I think it even goes to a weirder place than that.

He wants the freedom of speech to scream FIRE out in an open field where anyone nearby can plainly see there is no fire.

I say go ahead and scream, whodey. No one is listening anyways. The gullible have already been fooled, and so your "freedom of speech" is wholly ineffective, so it just seems like you're not free to be a raving lunatic.

@the-gravedigger said
You don't speak for us all wolfy.

Nope, only the ones who know better.

And yes, after 75 pages, we digress.

On with the jokes. The good jokes, not the agenda-driven whodey jokes.

Like this one:

An eccentric philosophy professor gave a one-question final exam after a semester dealing with a broad array of topics.
The class was already seated and ready to go when the professor picked up his chair, plopped it on his desk, and wrote on the board: "Using everything we have learned this semester, prove that this chair does not exist."
Fingers flew, erasers erased, and notebooks were filled in furious fashion. Some students wrote over 30 pages in one hour attempting to refute the existence of the chair. One member of the class, however, was up and finished in less than a minute.

Weeks later when the grades were posted, the rest of the group wondered how he could have gotten an "A" when he had barely written anything at all. His answer consisted of two words:

"What chair?"






See, this was actually funny, because there was no obvious agenda mucking things up.

A man flying in a hot air balloon suddenly realizes he’s lost.

He reduces height and spots a man down below.

He lowers the balloon further and shouts to get directions, "Excuse me, can you tell me where I am?"

The man below says: "Yes. You're in a hot air balloon, hovering 30 feet above this field."

"You must work in Information Technology," says the balloonist.

"I do," replies the man. "How did you know?"

"Well," says the balloonist, "everything you have told me is technically correct, but it's of no use to anyone."

The man below replies, "You must work in management."

"I do," replies the balloonist. "But how'd you know?"

"Well", says the man, "you don’t know where you are or where you’re going, but you expect me to be able to help. You’re in the same position you were before we met, but now it’s my fault."

Who is a good tax accountant?

The one who has a loophole named after them.

A blonde and a lawyer are seated next to each other on a flight from LA to NY.

The lawyer asks if she would like to play a fun game?

The blonde, tired, just wants to take a nap, politely declines and rolls over to the window to catch a few winks.

The lawyer persists and explains that the game is easy and a lot of fun. He explains, "I ask you a question, and if you don't know the answer, you pay me $5.00, and vice versa."

Again, she declines and tries to get some sleep.

The lawyer, now agitated, says, "Okay, if you don't know the answer you pay me $5.00, and if I don't know the answer, I will pay you $500.00."

This catches the blonde's attention and, figuring there will be no end to this torment unless she plays, agrees to the game.

The lawyer asks the first question. "What's the distance from the earth to the moon?"

The blonde doesn't say a word, reaches into her purse, pulls out a $5.00 bill and hands it to the lawyer.

"Okay" says the lawyer, "your turn."

She asks the lawyer, "What goes up a hill with three legs and comes down with four legs?"

The lawyer, puzzled, takes out his laptop computer and searches all his references, no answer. He taps into the air phone with his modem and searches the net and the Library of Congress, no answer. Frustrated, he sends e-mails to all his friends and coworkers, to no avail. After an hour, he wakes the blonde, and hands her $500.00.

The blonde says, "Thank you," and turns back to get some more sleep.

The lawyer, who is more than a little miffed, wakes the blonde and asks, "Well, what's the answer?"

Without a word, the blonde reaches into her purse, hands the lawyer $5.00, and goes back to sleep.

@Suzianne
So blondes really do have more fun😉

@sonhouse said
@Suzianne
So blondes really do have more fun😉

Of course!

😏

@Suzianne

BTW, I am up to almost 80 tracks on Soundcloud now, try the link I gave you, you might be surprised at the level of my new tunes. Or not😉
Working now on a dance tune called Old french, traditional old timey thing.

@suzianne said
I think it even goes to a weirder place than that.

He wants the freedom of speech to scream FIRE out in an open field where anyone nearby can plainly see there is no fire.

I say go ahead and scream, whodey. No one is listening anyways. The gullible have already been fooled, and so your "freedom of speech" is wholly ineffective, so it just seems like you're not free to be a raving lunatic.

Yes, you've figured me out Suzy. I want all people to suffer and die.

Thank God you are here to set the record straight.

Now if only I could grow one of those Hitler mustaches.........................

Nothing like those right winged Nazi socialists.

@whodey said
Yes, you've figured me out Suzy. I want all people to suffer and die.

Thank God you are here to set the record straight.

Now if only I could grow one of those Hitler mustaches.........................

Nothing like those right winged Nazi socialists.

Back of the net whodey LMFAO

@whodey

I would love to see that. Don't forget to add the electric arm of Peter Sellers.......

@whodey said
Yes, you've figured me out Suzy. I want all people to suffer and die.

Thank God you are here to set the record straight.

Now if only I could grow one of those Hitler mustaches.........................

Nothing like those right winged Nazi socialists.

This is your worst joke ever.