Jokes

@sonhouse said
A joke: Whitaker recusing himself.....

@ponderable said
That could give DJT a heart attack...

On heavens door is a Queue. A Bishop Comes and jumps it, thinking that with all his Service he deserves VIP Treatment. Peter sends him back. Comes another man queueing up behind the Bishop. Peter Comes running and lets him in.
When the Bishop reaches Peter again he saks: He I was Bishop in th church, I should get the VIP Treatment, ...[text shortened]... in fromt?
Peter: That was a bus driver, when he drove People prayed...when you preached they slept!

@greenpawn34 said
Went to see the film 'Bohemian Rhapsody ' last night.

Halfway through someone walked in front of the projector and cast his shadow on the screen.

I shouted out:

"I see a little silhouetto of a man..."

if yer hose is short,
or yer pump is weak...
stand very close,
or you'll piss on yer feet...

What's the difference between:

"THUD!" Ahhhhhhh!
and
Ahhhhhhh! "THUD!"

About nine steps on the ladder.

So I walk into Starbucks the other day and see this guy sitting there.

No i-phone, no lap top, no tablet.

He just sat there drinking coffee.

Like a PSYCOPATH!!

Scary stuff. I tried not to make eye contact.

So I hear Trump is starting a new company to compete with Zuckerberg. He is starting a new media group, he wants to call it Fakebook.......

What is pink, goes in hard and dry and comes out soft and wet?
- Bubble Gum

Knock! Knock!
Who's there?
Doris!
Doris who?
Doris locked, that's why I'm knocking.

@sonhouse said
So I hear Trump is starting a new company to compete with Zuckerberg. He is starting a new media group, he wants to call it Fakebook.......

@whodey said
AND I hear Stormy Daniels and her sleazy lawyer has also started a company, and it's called...............................

You get two guesses

@shallow-blue said
Keep it up, Lenny, keep it up.

@whodey said
AND I hear Stormy Daniels and her sleazy lawyer has also started a company, and it's called...............................

You get two guesses

All the comedians out of work nowadays- and you're telling jokes!

@whodey said
Would you just listen to yourself? You sound like Hillary Clinton on her wedding night.

@shallow-blue said
All I need to do here is repeat my previous point... if you really think that's a gag, I ought to feel sorry for you. If you weren't so predictably unclassy, I might.