Jokes

My hounddog came paddin up the back porch yestiday evnin with a dead rabbit in his maw. His face was all smeary with fur an' dirt an' blood. I thought, oh shot! That's the neighbor's prize-winnin' champion breedin' rabbit, which usta live in a cage in the neighbor's yard. Ol' Blue musta jumped the fence and killt it. We gotta git this thing cleaned up and pretend Ol' Blue had nuthin' ta do with it. So, I manage to pry the poor thing outta Ol' Blue's maw, clean it up as best I could, blow-dry its fur. Then, in the dead a' night, I sneak over the fence to the neighbor's yard and lay the poor dead rabbit back in it's cage.

Next mornin', the doorbell rings. It's the neighbor. I think, Oh shot! He's onto us. Ol' Blue is gunna git taken to the pound and put down for this. Cautiously, I open the door.

"Hi, neighbor," I sez.

"Howday, neighbor," he sez. "Yew notice anythin' strange in my back yard last night?"

"Er, no" I stammers out.

"Well, sir," he sez, "My rabbit died yestiday, and I dun buried it. An' now it's back in its cage!"

Why did the Attorney General gas and attack peaceful protesters?



So the chicken could cross the road!

How did we get from Martin Luther King to Martin Looter King?

@whodey said
How did we get from Martin Luther King to Martin Looter King?

Trump plans to visit Scotland, to see where his mother was born. He feels a strong connection to the country - he gets his skin tone from Irn-Bru.

My teachers told me I'd never amount to much because I procrastinate so much.
- I told them, "Just you wait!"

A man walks into a library and asks the librarian for books about paranoia.
- She whispers, "They're right behind you!"

What should you do if you're attacked by a group of clowns?
- Go straight for the juggler.

Which rock group has four guys who can't sing or play instruments?
- Mount Rushmore.

I saw an add for a coffin yesterday and thought to myself..."That's the last thing I need".

@wolfgang59 said
Why did the Attorney General gas and attack peaceful protesters?



So the chicken could cross the road!

Why is 6 afraid of 7?

It's not. Numbers aren't sentient and are therefore incapable of feeling fear.

Reoccurring nightmares of the Tin man in Wizard of Oz::

"Look everyone, it's a statue of Robert E Lee!"

@whodey said
Why is 6 afraid of 7?

It's not. Numbers aren't sentient and are therefore incapable of feeling fear.

@suzianne said
The real answer is, "Because 7 8 9."

@whodey said
Why is 6 afraid of 7?

It's not. Numbers aren't sentient and are therefore incapable of feeling fear.

A turtle is crossing the road when he’s mugged by two snails. When the police show up, they ask him what happened. The shaken turtle replies, “I don’t know. It all happened so fast.”