Jokes

"Health nuts" are going to feel stupid someday, lying in the hospital...dying of nothing.

🤔 😲

one of my favourites:
Mr. and Mrs. Miller die and go to heaven. Everything is nice and happy, only he is more and more grumpy.
Asks his wife: "Don't you like it here, it is marvellous."
He says: "I like it very much, but if it hadn't been for your healthy lifestyle I could be here for years already.

Leftists are so stupid. Anyone could see that communism in the former USSR was going to fail with all the never ending red flags and all.

A young lawyer is working late one night when his door opens and in walks Satan himself. “I have an offer,” says Satan. “If you give me your soul and the soul of everyone in your family, I’ll make you a full partner in your firm.”

The lawyer stares icily at the devil for a full minute before demanding, “So what’s the catch?”

So this blond sees a man reading a newspaper with the headlines, "12 Brazilian men dead". Confused, she asks the man, "How many is a Brazilian again?

A 3 years old boy sits near a pregnant woman.
Boy: Why do you look so fat?
Pregnant woman: I have a baby inside me.
Boy: Is it a good baby?
Pregnant woman: Yes, it is a very good baby.
Boy: Then why did you eat it?!

Why does pollen seem to be everywhere is spring?

Cuz they can't seem to keep it in their plants.

My friend of mine was upset that no one got her flowers for her birthday.

When she asked me why, I told her it was because no one had botany.

A man is taking part in acourse on social competence at work, and the Course instructor tells the men, that they should get their significant otehr Flowers.

The man goes and buys Flowers, coming home he knocks at the door, to make the surprise bigger.
His wife opens, sees the Flowers and says: "It was a catastrophic day, I fell from the Chair while putting down the curtains, they called from School about Jim's behaviour and I had to get him. Rosie had a break-up with her best friend Amanda and is crying all afternoon. The diner is burned and now you come home drunk….

@whodey said
My friend of mine was upset that no one got her flowers for her birthday.

When she asked me why, I told her it was because no one had botany.

Crazy how many legends rank around ivy...

π birds in the hand is worth 6.28318530718 birds in the bush.

@rookie54 said
π birds in the hand is worth 6.28318530718 birds in the bush.

(except in the case of blackbird π )

@rookie54 -

get our weedwhacker joke in here. that's friggin' hoot lol

4 and 20 blackbirds
baked inna pie
forgot to pick the feathers out
and one poked me in the eye

@rookie54 said
π birds in the hand is worth 6.28318530718 birds in the bush.

🤣🤣🤣