Jokes

When they bake dog biscuits they use collie flour.

I asked for a copy of Elvis Presley's 'Wooden Leg' at the local record store. The assistant queried... 'Do you mean Wooden Heart?'

Nope, I replied. I'm after the pirate version.

I admit, when I challenged Death to a pillow fight, I really wasn't prepared for the Reaper cushions.

A food recipe said to turn the oven to 180 degrees. Now, I can't can't open the door.

It takes a lot of balls to play golf🏌️‍♂️ like I do.

Sad to hear the man who invented throat lozenges died last week, but at least there was no coffin at the funeral.

@Ghost-of-a-Duke said
Sad to hear the man who invented throat lozenges died last week, but at least there was no coffin at the funeral.

What do Jews shout out at an nfl game?
Get the quater back.

- So why did your doctor tell you to give up golf? Did he check your heart?
- No, he checked my scorecard.

I've decided to sell my old vacuum cleaner.

... it was just collecting dust.

@happy-chappy said
What do Jews shout out at an nfl game?
Get the quater back.

I remember years ago taking an A level exam on Opening Envelopes.
To this day, I still don't know whether I passed or not.

@Ghost-of-a-Duke said
Would you mind containing your anti-Jewish mindset for another forum? (Preferably another site, perhaps on another planet).

I saw this guy busking in Sydney with a didgeridoo, he was playing "Mama Mia"

I thought that's Abbariginal.

@Paul-Martin said
I saw this guy busking in Sydney with a didgeridoo, he was playing "Mama Mia"

I thought that's Abbariginal.