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When they bake dog biscuits they use collie flour.

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I asked for a copy of Elvis Presley's 'Wooden Leg' at the local record store. The assistant queried... 'Do you mean Wooden Heart?'

Nope, I replied. I'm after the pirate version.

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I admit, when I challenged Death to a pillow fight, I really wasn't prepared for the Reaper cushions.

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A food recipe said to turn the oven to 180 degrees. Now, I can't can't open the door.

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It takes a lot of balls to play golf🏌️‍♂️ like I do.

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Sad to hear the man who invented throat lozenges died last week, but at least there was no coffin at the funeral.

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What do Jews shout out at an nfl game?
Get the quater back.

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- So why did your doctor tell you to give up golf? Did he check your heart?
- No, he checked my scorecard.

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@happy-chappy said
What do Jews shout out at an nfl game?
Get the quater back.
Would you mind containing your anti-Jewish mindset for another forum? (Preferably another site, perhaps on another planet).


My sister didn't believe I had a bicycle made out of spaghetti. Until I rode pasta.

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I remember years ago taking an A level exam on Opening Envelopes.
To this day, I still don't know whether I passed or not.

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@Ghost-of-a-Duke said
Would you mind containing your anti-Jewish mindset for another forum? (Preferably another site, perhaps on another planet).
Jews are allowed to tell Jewish jokes. Here's one from Woody Allen:

Two old Jewish women are having lunch at a deli and complaining about the food. One says, "The food here is terrible", and the other one says, "Yeah, and the portions are so small."

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The post that was quoted here has been removed
I got mugged by six dwarves last night. Not happy.