Jokes

@Martin said
Because of hedge rows

Finally got help with my swimming addiction.

Been dry for six months now.

I knew a girl from Virginia once. Actually, her name was Virginia too.
I called her Virgin for short, but not for long.

There was freedom of speech in the Soviet Union. If you had an opinion, you could speak up. But you weren't allowed near the microphone.

There is freedom of speech in the United States. If you have an opinion, you can speak up. But you'll die with the microphone in your hand.

I want to become self-employed. But I don't want to do any real work; I just want to scam people. I found this great web site, it says that, for $100, they'll show you exactly how to set up a fake business. I sent them the $100, but I'm still waiting to hear back from them. That was in May.


2019.

I've just read a fascinating book about Sellotape. I had trouble finding the beginning, though...

@moonbus said
I want to become self-employed. But I don't want to do any real work; I just want to scam people. I found this great web site, it says that, for $100, they'll show you exactly how to set up a fake business. I sent them the $100, but I'm still waiting to hear back from them. That was in May.


2019.

@AlanTal said
I've just read a fascinating book about Sellotape. I had trouble finding the beginning, though...

My neighbours loved my drumming so much they called the police to come listen.👍

An Englishman walked in and found his wife in bed with 3 men.

What do you think he said?

ello, ello, ello, you must use an English accent. 😉

With the world, seemingly embracing the, “going paperless” movement, that that doesn’t include public washrooms.😲

If you can’t fix something with a hammer you’ve got an electrical problem.
Avoid arguments about the toilet seat…use the sink.
If you have a bad cough take a large dose of laxatives, you’ll be afraid to cough at all.
Avoid cutting yourself when slicing veggies. Get someone else to hold the vegetables while you chop.

What’s the difference between ignorance and apathy?

"I don’t know and I don’t care."

@Great-Big-Stees said
With the world, seemingly embracing the, “going paperless” movement, that that doesn’t include public washrooms.😲

the existence of the kazoo implies the existence of the kaquarium