Jokes

@diver said
Saw you on TV today.

@sonhouse said
You mean in that crim linup? #4?

A couple of Xmases ago my wife and I were flummoxed as to what to get our granddaughter so we asked our daughter what she, our granddaughter, was “into” to which she said, “Frozen” so we went to our freezer and got out a bag of peas.
🤔😲

me - it’s too late to turn back now

you - no it’s not you can still do it just change the time on your phone -

me - i believe i believe i believe i'm falling in love

Question to tim Cook: "Why are Iphones so expensive?"

"Well", said Tim Cook, "that's because the iPhone replaces a whole bunch of devices. A phone, a camera, a watch, a music player, a video player, a PDA, a voice recorder, a GPS navigator, a flashlight, a calculator, a portable gaming console, and many other things. Surely, a high price is worth paying to replace so many devices!"

"Then why are Androids so much cheaper?", asked the journalist.

"Because," said Tim Cook, "an Android replaces just one device. The iPhone."

At the age of 65 my grandma started walking 10 miles a day. She’s 96 now and we have no idea where she is.

My friend David lost his ID. I just call him Dave now.

Took my android in to get it fixed.

The young tech asked: "What exactly do you have against androids reproducing?"

"What is the difference between stupidity and genius? Genius has its limits."

-- Albert Einstein

Many people told Beethoven that he would never be a musician because he was deaf, but... Did he listen?

If you chop off a chicken’s 🐔head it runs around for a while. If you chop off its legs…it can’t. 🤔😲😁

How many surrealists does it take to change a light bulb?

Two. One to hold the giraffe and the other to fill the bathtub with brightly coloured bicycles.

My grandfather used to make shoes for clowns. No small feat, I tell you.

Parked up at the car dealership and I asked the sales guy “what is the cheapest car on your lot?”

He said “yours by the look of it”

Polygamy.
The art of parrot folding.