Jokes

@orangutan said
Sorry, I don't have the thyme.

@diver said
Very sage of you.

@moonbus said
I probably won’t have time to write my autobiography until I’m dead.

@diver said
Very sage of you.

@Great-Big-Stees said
How’s Rosemary’s baby?🤔

i've been incarcerated in the hospital for the cringe
i'm in the awk ward

A friend suggested I put horse manure on my strawberries.

I’m going back to whipped cream.

I changed my morning alarm call to the Hokey Cokey. It now takes me 15 minutes to get out of bed.

@rookie54 said
i've been incarcerated in the hospital for the cringe
i'm in the awk ward

@moonbus said
Whenever I cycle to an unfamiliar city, the first thing I look for are the painted lines in the streets--I want to know whether the psychopaths are clearly visible.

i'm reading a horror story in braille
something evil this way comes
i can just feel it

I got arrested for stealing a kitchen utensil.

Taking it was worth the whisk.

on saturday a florida woman was arrested in a public park for wrestling with a manatee in a bikini

authorities are not quite sure how the manatee got into the bikini

I walked past a farm the other day and there was a sign that said "Duck, eggs".
I thought - "That's an unnecessary comma"

... Then it hit me

i was gifted a car sight unseen
fender reveal party tomorrow night