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@rookie54 said
on saturday a florida woman was arrested in a public park for wrestling with a manatee in a bikini

authorities are not quite sure how the manatee got into the bikini
Nice variation! Just the other day I was thinking about the "shot an elephant in my pyjamas" joke.

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i'm gonna teach everyone what preantepenultimate means
even if it’s the fourth-to-last thing i do

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The way I figure it, the more you weigh, the harder you are to kidnap.

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Yesterday evening, I was kept talking at my front door by two ladies. They were extolling the virtues of brown bread. I think they were Hovis witnesses.

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@rookie54 said
on saturday a florida woman was arrested in a public park for wrestling with a manatee in a bikini

authorities are not quite sure how the manatee got into the bikini
I once tried to wrestle with a nun; Mother Superior told me not to get into the habit.

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@rookie54 said
i'm gonna teach everyone what preantepenultimate means
even if it’s the fourth-to-last thing i do
Stamp out sesquipedalianism, I say!

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@AlanTal said
Yesterday evening, I was kept talking at my front door by two ladies. They were extolling the virtues of brown bread. I think they were Hovis witnesses.
Sister Innocenti, breathless: Oh, Mother Superior! I've had the most distressing experience!

Mother Superior: Good heavens, child, whatever has happened !?

Sister Innocenti: As I was walking back to the convent, an old man exposed himself to me !

Mother Superior: Good heavens, child, what did you do !?

Sister Innocenti: I pulled up my skirts.

Mother Superior: Good heavens, child, what did the man do !?

Sister Innocenti: He pulled down his trousers.

Mother Superior: Good heavens, child, what happened next !?

Sister Innocenti: Well, a woman can run faster with her skirts up than a man with his trousers down.

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Sister Innocenti, stuttering: Oh, M- M- Mu- Mother Superior! I- I- d- d- d- decided to quit the c- c- c- convent! Br- Br- break my vows.

Mother Superior: Good heavens, child, wherever will you go !? What will become of you !?

Sister Innocenti: I w- w- wan- want to become a pr- pr- pro- ...

Mother Superior: Oh dear God, not a ...

Sister Innocenti: ... prostitute !

Mother Superior: Oh, thank Heavens not a Protestant !!

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A man with a frog on his head walks up to the bar.
The bartender says, 'How long have you had that growth?'
The frog said, 'It started out as a wart on my arse about a month ago'

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@moonbus said
Sister Innocenti, breathless: Oh, Mother Superior! I've had the most distressing experience!

Mother Superior: Good heavens, child, whatever has happened !?

Sister Innocenti: As I was walking back to the convent, an old man exposed himself to me !

Mother Superior: Good heavens, child, what did you do !?

Sister Innocenti: I pulled up my skirts.

Mother Superior: ...[text shortened]... Sister Innocenti: Well, a woman can run faster with her skirts up than a man with his trousers down.
You can kiss a nun once; you can kiss a nun twice but you mustn't get into the habit.

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My hamster has stolen all my graph paper.

I think he's plotting something...

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@Martin said
You can kiss a nun once; you can kiss a nun twice but you mustn't get into the habit.
Habits do come in larger sizes. One of my teachers in early grades was a rather tall nun who went by the (devotional?) name of Sister Joseph Victor.

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The athletes were training at the time when people were being given reasoning ability.

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When you teach a wolf to meditate he/she becomes aware wolf.🤔😲

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Changed the ringtone on my alarm to the hokey cokey.

Took me 20-minutes to get out of bed.