Jokes

My wife yelled at me saying "you didn't hear a word I said ".
I thought,"that's a strange way to start a conversation "

@rookie54 said
social media, amirite?
folks arguing this
folks arguing that
they argue so fast and furious they use the wrong words!
and none of em, NONE of em! have the humidity to correct themselves

my wife - would you trade me for another woman?
me - oh, heck no!
my wife - what if she were prettier than me?
me *sensing danger* - nobody is prettier than YOU darling
my wife - would you trade me for a motorcycle?
me *dumb as a hammer* - what kind of motorcycle?

I need to buy some more Gloating cream. It's just great whenever you rub it in.

CNN Comedy Show Host Michael Ian Black Says Trump Will Be Less Favorable Than Serial Killer John Wayne Gacy

https://www.breitbart.com/entertainment/2026/03/09/video-cnn-comedy-show-host-michael-ian-black-says-trump-will-be-less-favorable-than-serial-killer-john-wayne-gacy/

lol a panic

A passenger, in panic, asked if the airplane was going the right way
To which Yoda responded, “off course, we are.”

I'm writing a song about the changing of a door lock. There's a change of key at the end.

The stewardess asked me, “Window or aisle?”. I said, “Or you’ll what?”.🤔😁

Old Chinese proverb


Lady pilot who fly upside down have crack up

Old Chinese proverb

Man who walk around with hole in trouser pocket feel cocky all day.

Overhead my my wife talking to her friend at party: “My fat arse looks awful in this dress”

Me thinking: “damn I thought she’d gone out that day”

They told me I'd never be any good at poetry because of my dyslexia.

But I've made three jugs and a vase and I think they're just great.

WANTED: A GOOD WOMAN

Must be able to cook, clean, sew, dig worms, clean fish.
Must have boat.

PLEASE SEND PHOTO OF BOAT.

I offended the women who does the voice for the speaking clock.

Now she won't give me the time of day.