Jokes

Originally posted by @coquette
I've got a 24 carrot one for you.

Anything less would be corny.

I can mash potatoes but when it comes to pea soup . .. well

Originally posted by @coquette
I can mash potatoes but when it comes to pea soup . .. well

I donno, SOMETHING is rotten in Denmark...

Originally posted by @ghost-of-a-duke
We're looking for some good vegetable jokes.

If you have some, lettuce know.

😞

Someone should throw tomatoes at you.

What did the Mama melon say to the baby melons boyfriend?

You Cant-Eloupe

What did the honeymoon couple order for dinner?

Lettuce alone.

Where does Kylie Minogue get her kebabs from?

Jason's donner van.

I heard on CBC laugh channel, a comedian being asked a question by a listener, 'I know you make jokes about Catholics, but have you ever made a joke about Jehovah Witness'?

He said "Knock Knock"

🙂

Two blokes were walking down the road when they saw a mangy old cattle dog laying there licking its own balls. One bloke turns to the other ans says "Man I wish I could do that. The other bloke turns to him and says "Mate...........you might wannna pat him first"

A man is delivered to the emergency room with multiple bruises and contusions.

Admitting nurse to patient: name?

Patient: Ralph Johnson.

Nurse: married?

Patient: traffic accident.

Why did the bicycle fall over?

Because it was two tired.

She was just a redneck whiskey maker, but I loved her still.

After 35 years of marriage, a husband and wife came for counseling. When asked what the problem was, the wife went into a tirade listing every problem they had ever had in all the years they had been married. On and on and on: neglect, lack of intimacy, emptiness, loneliness, feeling unloved and unlovable, an entire laundry list of unmet needs she endured. Finally, after allowing this for a sufficient length of time, the therapist got up, walked around the desk and after asking the wife to stand, he embraced and kissed her long and passionately as her husband watched - with a raised eyebrow. The woman shut up and quietly sat down in a daze. The therapist turned to the husband and said,

"This is what your wife needs at least 3 times a week. Can you do this?"

He replied: "Well, I can drop her off here on Mondays and Wednesdays, but I play golf on Fridays."

Originally posted by @moonbus
After 35 years of marriage, a husband and wife came for counseling. When asked what the problem was, the wife went into a tirade listing every problem they had ever had in all the years they had been married. On and on and on: neglect, lack of intimacy, emptiness, loneliness, feeling unloved and unlovable, an entire laundry list of unmet needs she endured. ...[text shortened]... replied: "Well, I can drop her off here on Mondays and Wednesdays, but I play golf on Fridays."

🙂

Originally posted by @moonbus
After 35 years of marriage, a husband and wife came for counseling. When asked what the problem was, the wife went into a tirade listing every problem they had ever had in all the years they had been married. On and on and on: neglect, lack of intimacy, emptiness, loneliness, feeling unloved and unlovable, an entire laundry list of unmet needs she endured. ...[text shortened]... replied: "Well, I can drop her off here on Mondays and Wednesdays, but I play golf on Fridays."

Nice!

I'm keeping that one for future use, to be sure. 🙂