The Simpsons

The only thing that sticks in my memory are Simpsons quotes...

Homer (looking at the lottery tickets through the light): "Loser... loser... loser... GASP!! Five Hundred dollars?!! (begins drooling) Apu, wake up! I want to buy a yodle, and this lottery ticket. I have... this much." (dumps a bunch of change on the couter)
Apu (exhausted): "You do not have enough for both."
Homer (begins shifting his feet in a nervous manner): "Oh... ooh... oh... yodle."
(later that same episode)
Homer: "Mmm, that yodle was so good. I wish I was eating it right now."

Originally posted by chckrogers
anyway, to the 420 guy who knows them all, what about some funny quotes from the episode where homer tries to prevent apu's arranged marriage, that was another great one, but my memory isn't as good as yours.

LOL!!

Bart: "Dad, those peanuts are for the elephant."
Homer: "Screw Him!"

Skinner: "Your child's behavior appalls me. Not just as a principal, but as a veteran of America's only losing war."
Homer: "...to date."

what about wen homer said some thing like <" are you going to relase your dogs, or are you oging to release your bees, or are you goint o release your dogs with bees in their mouths so that when they bark they shoot bees at eme?

"Bart, women are like refrigerators, they're six feet high, 300 pounds, make ice.. and... actually, they're more like a beer

Otto: "Mrs. Krabapel, you look awesome!"
Mrs. K: "Well, thank you, Otto!"
Otto: "The grass looks awesome. That rock looks awesome. My hands look awesome!"

meditations on turning 7 by Lisa simpson

I had a cat named snowball, she died, she died, mom said she was sleeping, she lied, she lied! Why oh why is my cat dead, couldn't that chrysler hit me instead?... I had a hampster named Snuffy, he die...

Originally posted by player420
Otto: "Mrs. Krabapel, you look awesome!"
Mrs. K: "Well, thank you, Otto!"
Otto: "The grass looks awesome. That rock looks awesome. My hands look awesome!"

The Simpson is the best comedy show😀

Marge: "Let's all go out for a nice family walk."
all: [moan]
Marge: "Fine. If we're not going for a walk, we'll all just talk about our day. I wrote another poem about a duck..."
[cut to Simpsons going for a walk]

Homer: "Marge, it's eighty-five hundred dollars!! We have five hundred in the bank, so that leaves... eighty hundred we still need."

Now let us all bask in the wisdom of Grandpa Simpson

Marge: "Now, I know you haven't liked some of my suggestions in the past. Like... switching to the metric system."
Grandpa: "The metric system is the tool of the devil! My car gets forty rods to the hog's head, and that's just the way I likes it!"
Quimby: "The old person's remarks will be stricken from the record."
Grandpa: "Who said that?"

Burns: “Smithers, get me some strikebreakers. The kind they had in the thirties.”
Grandpa: “We can’t bust heads like we used to, but we have our ways. One trick is to tell them stories that don’t go anywhere. Like the time I caught the ferry over to Shelbyville. I needed a new heel for my shoe. So, I decided to go to Morganville. Which is what they called Shelbyville in those days. So I tied an onion to my belt, which was the style at the time. Now, to take the ferry cost a nickel. And in those days, nickels had pictures of bumblebees on ‘em. “Gimmie five bees for a quarter,” you’d say. Now, where were we? Oh yeah! The important thing was that I had an onion on my belt, which was the style at the time. They didn’t have white onions, because of the war. The only thing you could get was those big yellow ones.

Grandpa: “Now, my story begins in nineteen dickety-two. We had to say dickety, ‘cause the Kaiser had stolen our word twenty. I chased that rascal to get it back, but gave up after dickety-six miles.”
Martin: “hahaha. Dickety! Highly Dubious!”
Grandpa: “What are you cacklin’ at, fatty?! Too much pie, that’s your problem! Now, I’d like to digress from my prepared remarks to discuss how I invented the terlet.”
Mrs. Krabaple: “Terlet! Ha!”
Bart: “And then, he claimed he was the one who turned cats and dogs against each other!”

Some episodes have long strings of great jokes end-to-end.

Grandpa: “Do-do do-do, wa-da-da. Woo-too-ta-ta me-me-mo. What’s the scoop, milk shakes? I got a date with Zelda, so I need the car.”
Homer: “Oh, no. I’m not giving you my car. You’d probably drive it.”
Grandpa: “You don’t trust your old man?! You ungrateful milk shake.”
Marge: “Why don’t we double-date? Then, the restaurant will have to give us that booth.”
Homer: “Wow! A booth! If I’m tired, I can just lie down!”
Sign reads: Springfield Drive-in: Dude, Where’s My Virginity? Starring Bridget Fonda, Jr. And Judd Nelson as Dean Probationly
Grandpa: “Cut it out! I can work the brake myself.”
Homer: “No you can’t. You’re slow to react, Dad.”
Grandpa (after a VERY long pause): “Bologna!”
Dude: “Woo! This is the best party of my life!”
Other guy: “Bro, you tapped the septic tank!”
Marge: Dude sure got his come-upins.”
Homer: “hehehe. In real life, he would die.”
Zelda: “Oh, Abe!”
Grandpa: “Oh, Zelda!”
Homer: “Eeew! Hey! Watch the movie!”
Grandpa: “Movies were better in our day. For a nickel, you got two movies, a cartoon, a bag of popcorn, and a whuppin’. Kept your mind on your business.”

The MOnorail Song is funny.

All: Monorail! Monorail! Monorail! MONRAIL!
Homer: Mono...D'oh!

Drederick Tatum: "I respect Homer Simpson but I'm still gonna make orphans of his children."
Reporter: "They have a mother too, you know."
Drederick Tatum: "Yes, but I imagine she would die of grief."
Lucius:" Ladies and gentlemen, this parole hearing is over."

From same episode,

Moe: "I used to be a boxer. They called me Kid Gorgeous! Then it was Kid Presentable, then Kid Gruesome, and finally just Kid Moe."
Homer: "How come you stopped?"
Moe: "Because I got knocked out 40 times in a row. That and politics. It's all politics."
Homer: "Damn democrats."