The Simpsons

Evil Witch (pokes Lisa with her broomstick): "Sweep faster! It's almost time for your beating."

300th post!!!

Lisa: "If you ask me--"
Homer (interrupting): "Stop right there."

Homer: "I think I'll eat... this one right there!"
Waiter: "Why don't you pick one thats a little more frisky, sir!"
Homer: "Why?"
Waiter: "Well when you choose one thats floating upside-down, it somewhat defeats the purpose of selecting a live lobster!"

I love this one.

[Homer runs out to his car with Mr. Burns' son after kidnapping him]

(Kent Brockman above them in a 'copter)

There's only 1 word to describe this.... idiocy!

Homer: I'm impressed! And I'm not easilly impressed...wow! A blue car!!

Abe (Grandpa Simpson): "Now you've got her, Bart, jump Lisa's king"
Rod: "I'm not Bart, I'm Rod Flanders"
Abe: "There you go with that smart mouth. Lisa, run outside and cut me a switch"
Todd: "Yes sir! "

Homer: "Psst... bishop to queen 4."
Old guy: "But we're playing dominos!"
Homer (threatening): "I said bishop to queen 4."
Old guy: "OK, OK. Jeez."

Homer: "It's good to have you back, Moe."
Moe: "Yeah, that was a scary coupola hours!"

Rex: "Open up, Curly! This is a raid!"
Moe: "Raid!? Curly!? Uh... OK, but I don't know what you expect to find in a friendly neighborhood pet store."
Rex: "OK. Well, let me ask you this: What kind of pet store is filled with hot jazz music and rowdy customers at 1 A.M.?"
Moe: "Uh... the... best... darn pet shop in town!"
All: "YEAH!"
Rex: "All right. But you people remember. Baby alagators may seem like great pets when they're young. But they grow up!"

[Santa's Little Helper goes off running with George Bush, leaving Homer all alone]
Homer: "I guess you might say he's barking up the wrong Bush."
Homer's Brain: "There it is, Homer. The cleverest thing you'll ever say and nobody heard it."
Homer: "D'oh."


😉

Homer: "I'm normally not a praying man, but if you're up there, please save me Superman."

Originally posted by CK
Homer: "I'm normally not a praying man, but if you're up there, please save me Superman."

Marge: "Homer, you don't have to pray outloud."
Homer: "But he's way the hell up there!"

Warden: "He painted a unicorn in space! I'm askin' you!! What's it breathin'?!"
Homer: "Air."
Warden: "Ain't no air in space!"
Homer: "There's an air and space museum."

Originally posted by player42
Warden: "He painted a unicorn in space! I'm askin' you!! What's it breathin'?!"
Homer: "Air."
Warden: "Ain't no air in space!"
Homer: "There's an air and space museum."

Homer: "Allright, we're going to parents' night at your school."
Lisa: "What are you bringing us for dinner?"
Homer: "Well, that depends on what your teachers say. If you've been good, pizza. If you've been bad... let's see... poison."
Lisa: "Well, what if one of us has been good and one of us has been bad?"
Bart: "Poison pizza."
Homer: "Oh, no. I'm not making two stops."