The Simpsons

Originally posted by daharvester
Drederick Tatum: "I respect Homer Simpson but I'm still gonna make orphans of his children."
Reporter: "They have a mother too, you know."
Drederick Tatum: "Yes, but I imagine she would die of grief."
Lucius:" Ladies and gentlemen, this parole hearing is over."

From same episode,

Moe: "I used to be a boxer. They called me Kid Gorgeous! ...[text shortened]... cked out 40 times in a row. That and politics. It's all politics."
Homer: "Damn democrats."

http://www.albinoblacksheep.com/flash/singhsons.php

Seen it, downloaded it, found it stew-pid.

Bart: "...we treat you women bad and abuse you and you just keep coming back for more. Just like dogs."
Lisa: "That's not what dogs do!"
Bart: "ha ha. You said dog doo."
Homer: "hehe. She sure did. Now, if Lisa's finished with her shenanigans..."

Homer (talking to the executives at NASA): "Shut up! And another thing! How come I can't get no tang 'round here?!..." "Hello, president Clinton? I figured, if there was anyone who knew how to get some tang, it'd be you. Shut up!"

Lisa: "But everybody migrated to America. Even the Simpsons. Right, Grandpa?"
Grandpa: "OK, you twisted my arm. The Simpson story begins back in the old country. I forget which one, exactly. My father would drone on and on about America. He thought it was the greatest thing since sliced bread. Sliced bread having been invented the previous winter."
Great-Grandpa Simpson (to little Abe): "That's where we're going son. America. Maybe not today, maybe not tomorrow, but soon."
Grandpa: "Later that day, we set sail for America."

Later that same episode...
Lisa: "In a way, we're all immigrants. Except Native Americans."
Homer: "Like me."
Lisa: "No, I mean American Indians."
Apu: "Like me."
Lisa: "No. I mean--"
Homer (interrupting): "Ladies and gentlemen, if I could just say a few words... I'd be a better public speaker."

Wiggum on phone: Uh, ya got the wrong number, this is 91 ... 2

Bart: "...it's just something they made up to scare kids. Like the Boogie Man or Michael Jackson."

Flanders: "You know, Rod, that steeple looks a little Roman-esque."
Rod (building the sand-church): "Sorry, Daddy. How should I punish myself?"

Grandpa: "Let's sacrifice him to our God!!... What? We did it all the time in the thirties."

Marge: "I'm so embarrased. I wish I could just crawl into a hole and die."
I & S Land security guard: "OK, throw her in the hole."

Originally posted by orkyboy
Bart phoning Moe's: Hello, is there a Freely there? First initails I P.

Moe to everyone at bar: Ok I P Freely here? Do you know I P Freely?

(You have to say it for it to be funny) 😉

Originally posted by starryeyes
hey i need help with chess

Smithers:"Sir, I have a small personal request."
Burns:"Oh, of course, Smithers. Anything."
[Burns repeatedly pushes a button marked, "Trap Door"]
Smithers:"I disabled the button, sir."
[Burns keeps pushing it]
Smithers:"Anyway, I need some time off. As you know, I've been writing a musical about the Malibu Stacy doll"
[Burns gives up on the button]
Burns: " A show about a doll? Why not write a musical about the common cat? Or the King of Siam? Give it up, Smithers."
Smithers:"Actually, sir, we're booked into a small theater in New Mexico."
Burns:"Whoa, slow down there, maestro. There's a *New* Mexico?"

Originally posted by CK
Smithers:"Sir, I have a small personal request."
Burns:"Oh, of course, Smithers. Anything."
[Burns repeatedly pushes a button marked, "Trap Door"]
Smithers:"I disabled the button, sir."
[Burns keeps pushing it]
Smithers:"Anyway, I need some time off. As you know, I've been writing a musical about the Malibu Stacy doll"
[Burns gives up on ...[text shortened]... theater in New Mexico."
Burns:"Whoa, slow down there, maestro. There's a *New* Mexico?"

Originally posted by player42


I live in Albuquerque.

Cheif Wiggum: "OK, here's how this [witch] trial works. We give you a broom and push you off the cliff. If you're innocent, you will fall to an honorable Christian death. If, however, you are the bride of Satan, you will fly off on your broomstick. At which point, you will return here for torture and beheading."
Marge: (worried moan)
Lisa: "Wait!! Doesn't the Bible say, 'judge not lest ye be judged'?"
All: (murmer, considering)
Wiggum: "The Bible says a lot of things. Shove her!"