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  1. 15 Feb '12 02:37
    New Breeding Program Aimed At Keeping Moderate Republicans From Going Extinct
    WASHINGTON—Saying [this] now critically endangered species of politician is at high risk for complete extinction within the next 10 years, Beltway-area conservationists announced plans Monday for a new captive breeding program designed to save moderate Republicans.

    According to members of the Initiative to Protect the Political Middle (IPPM), centrist Republicans, who once freely roamed the nation calling for both economic deregulation and a return to Reagan-era tax rates on the wealthy, are in dire need of protection, having lost large portions of their natural terrain to the highly territorial Evangelical and Tea Party breeds.

    "Our new program is designed to isolate the few remaining specimens of moderate Republicans, mate them in captivity, and then safely release these rare and precious creatures back into the electorate," said IPPM’s Cynthia Rollins, who traces the decline of the species to changes in the political climate and rampant, predatory fanaticism. "Within our safe, enclosed habitats, these middle-of-the-road Republican Party members can freely support increased funding for public education and even gay rights without being threatened by the far-right subgenus."

    Working within a narrow three-election-cycle window to reverse the decline before extinction becomes imminent, political conservationists told reporters they have already begun the arduous process of tracking down members of the elusive breed of sensible, non-reactionary public officeholders, which a generation ago was one of the most plentiful GOP species in existence.

    IPPM officials also said that while there is no guarantee they will ever be able to restore the moderate-Republican population to its once-teeming levels, "every effort must be made" to forcibly breed the species and at least keep it alive in the Midwest and Northeast, where its chances for survival remain highest.

    Though hopes for the captive breeding program remain high, many leading political conservationists note the number of optimal habitats for moderate, freethinking Republicans across the country has shrunk drastically, with studies showing the species may never again be able to recover in areas where it has been totally eradicated, such as the South and the GOP caucus in the House of Representatives.

    As they continue to search for nonextremist conservatives with the vaguest ability to compromise on social issues . . . IPPM officials acknowledged they may be fighting a race against time. "The most difficult task we have is preserving members of this disappearing breed before the desperate need for votes forces them to begin parroting borderline racist anti-immigration ideologies and accusing their opponents of being socialists," tracker Phil Gandelman said.


    http://www.theonion.com/articles/new-breeding-program-aimed-at-keeping-moderate-rep,27371/
  2. 15 Feb '12 11:01
    Very funny!
  3. 15 Feb '12 16:57
    Originally posted by Teinosuke
    Very funny!
    If Sh76 suddenly disappears, we'll know what happened...
  4. 16 Feb '12 01:18
    Originally posted by vistesd
    If Sh76 suddenly disappears, we'll know what happened...
    Ha. True, that would explain his disappearance.
  5. Subscriber Sleepyguy
    Reepy Rastardly Guy
    16 Feb '12 02:08
    Originally posted by moon1969
    Ha. True, that would explain his disappearance.
    I have him in a pit.

    "It puts the sweater vest on its skin or else it gets the hose again."
  6. Standard member sh76
    Civis Americanus Sum
    16 Feb '12 03:31
    Originally posted by moon1969
    Ha. True, that would explain his disappearance.
    Disappearance?

    I've averaged 3 posts a day this week...

    Come to think of it, that is a little light for me.

    Maybe I am being held captive by SG after all...
  7. Subscriber Sleepyguy
    Reepy Rastardly Guy
    16 Feb '12 04:42
    Originally posted by sh76
    Maybe I am being held captive by SG after all...
    SWEATER VEST!
  8. Subscriber kmax87
    You've got Kevin
    16 Feb '12 07:28
    Originally posted by Teinosuke
    Very funny!
    Its even funnier if you read it with David Attenborough's voice!
  9. 16 Feb '12 19:11
    Chafee and Jeffords breeding with the Maine sisters? I'll pass on the x-rated video.
  10. Standard member sh76
    Civis Americanus Sum
    16 Feb '12 19:41 / 1 edit
    Originally posted by Kunsoo
    Chafee and Jeffords breeding with the Maine sisters? I'll pass on the x-rated video.
    Chafee and Jeffords can hardly be considered Republicans. Jeffords intentionally switched allegiances and Chafee was a Republican only because his father was and is now officially an Independent.

    Collins and Snowe, on the other hand, are real Republicans.
  11. 16 Feb '12 19:42
    Originally posted by sh76
    Disappearance?

    I've averaged 3 posts a day this week...

    Come to think of it, that is a little light for me.

    Maybe I am being held captive by SG after all...
    Sorry, the post didn't read right. If you disappeared . . .
  12. 16 Feb '12 19:47
    Originally posted by sh76
    Chafee and Jeffords can hardly be considered Republicans. Jeffords intentionally switched allegiances and Chafee was a Republican only because his father was and is now officially an Independent.

    Collins and Snowe, on the other hand, are real Republicans.
    Moderate Republicans like Snowe can be more liberal than some Texas Democrats.
  13. Standard member sh76
    Civis Americanus Sum
    17 Feb '12 02:54
    Originally posted by moon1969
    Moderate Republicans like Snowe can be more liberal than some Texas Democrats.
    Correct, as conservative Republicans tend not to get elected in New England, whereas liberal Democrats tend not to get elected in Texas.
  14. 17 Feb '12 04:34
    Originally posted by sh76
    Chafee and Jeffords can hardly be considered Republicans. Jeffords intentionally switched allegiances and Chafee was a Republican only because his father was and is now officially an Independent.

    Collins and Snowe, on the other hand, are real Republicans.
    Jeffords was driven out because the Republican Party has become right wing goofy over the past 30 years. Chafee pretty much the same thing. 40 years ago, there was room for moderates in the party, and even an occasional liberal. Not since the Reagan Revolution established litmus test meat grinders.
  15. 17 Feb '12 05:45
    Originally posted by sh76
    Disappearance?

    I've averaged 3 posts a day this week...

    Come to think of it, that is a little light for me.

    Maybe I am being held captive by SG after all...
    I have noticed you shifting to the right. It's kind of like the Borg from Star Trek. Resistance is futile. You will be assimilated.