Jokes

if you have a fear of speed bumps
just go slow
you'll get over it

Remember when you feel as if time slowed down?
It's caused by the gravity of the situation.

On the Belarusian frontier, a border guard is filling out Putin’s entry form. “Occupation?” asked the officer.
- “Not today,” Putin replied. “Just tourism.”

Putin opens the refrigerator and sees a plate of quivering gelatin.
“Stop shaking!” Putin says.
- “I am only getting the milk.”

What is Vladimir Putin's favorite song?
- Crimea River

I hear that Vladimir Putin's approval rating is at 80%.
- Yeah, the other 20% are missing.

@rookie54 said
if you have a fear of speed bumps
just go slow
you'll get over it

What do flat-earthes fear?

Sphere itself.

did you buy the new apple watch?

*-HACKTIME-*
if you want yer apple watch to enable the force field generator and/or the flame thrower

all you have to do is put yer watch in the microwave on high for thirty seconds

take it off yer wrist first

time is money
if only i had learned this wages ago

So, Donald Trump and Joe Biden had a debate...

science tells us that dairy cows produce more milk when the farmer talks to them

it's a simple case of in one ear and out the udder

please note, the new presidential ventilator is codenamed forced air one

What is the linguistic name for a joke that is absent of humor?

Are you joking?

I don't know of any definitive evidence for the existence of God, the almighty omniscient infinite deity, other than the existence of the Universe and space and time itself . . . well, that was before 2020.

Why did the bicycle collapse?
It was two tired.

I took a tricyclic antidepressant. Whew, what a ride!

There should be a penal colony for those who pun. The punishment would be severe and unforgiving. Only men would be sent there, of course.