Jokes

@rookie54 said
so the silver surfer and the iron man team up
they are now alloys

Which alloy has magical properties?

cast iron

you see a mousetrap

i see free cheese and a challenge

me: *stabs vampire*
wife: omg
me: *beats zombie to death*
wife: OMG
me: what
wife: yer supposed to give them candy

@rookie54 said
i tried to become a pianist but i was grasping at strauss

What do get if you drop a piano down a mine?
Ab minor.
What do get if you drop a piano on the barracks.
Ab major.

i had my coffee this morning shaken, not stirred

do not recommend

plato: aristotle, is your abacus working?

aristotle: i wouldn't count on it

Seen on a t-shirt:

2020
(1 star out of 5)
"very bad; do not recommend"

Fun fact: All near death experiences have a zero fatality rate.

@yo-its-me said
Fun fact: All near death experiences have a zero fatality rate.

OOC: In fact a "recounted" would make the sentence correct. In fact since all People who are dead have been near death before, the experienced the time before dying…

obligatory joke:

My father was hit by a car while he distracted by cleaning lint out of his pocket.
My mother always said it would be his nit-picking that would be the end of him.

i like big butts
and i cannot lie
i like enormous alsos
and gigantic althoughs
and the occasional medium yet

I'm giving up drinking till Christmas.

...
No wait ... typo ..
I'm giving up. Drinking till Christmas!

if you've not yet tried archery blindfolded
you don't know what yer missing

i heard that a murder hornet mated with a giant jellyfish and the baby murderfish ate godzilla

and you thought 2020 was over

once upon a time
in bizarro world
a turkey pardoned a president

handyman here
i messed up bigtime

when a lady called asking me about gutters i responded that i had woken up in a few of them and could not recommend any of them

no work on this monday