Homer: "And then, just when things were at their worst--"
Grandpa: "I realized I could make extra money selling my pills to Dead Heads."
Marge: "What are you talking about, Grandpa?"
Grandpa: "Um...nothing."
..............One more for today:
Lisa: "Can't talk. Coming down."
Man: "Give her these" (gives two pills to Selma) "And then these" (gives five pills to Selma) "And then these" (gives large handful of pills to Selma).
Selma: "Thank you, Doctor."
Man: "Oh, I'm not a doctor."
Sometimes, when they prepare episodes for syndication, great jokes get cut from the original episode to leave more time for commercials.
..........................
Homer: "Um...you know where I can get some sugar aroud here?"
Guard: "Try in there Homer."
Homer: "Gee, I never noticed this office before."
Hank Scorpio: "Well, why should you; it's mine."
Homer: "You got any sugar around here?"
Hank: "Sugar? Sure." (reaches into his pockets and grabs two handfulls of sugar and places it in homers hands) "Sorry it's not in packages. Would you like some cream?"
Homer: "No thanks."
.....................Here's another cut-out classic:
Burns: "Why haven't I ever heard of this 'the leader'? He's exactly as rich and as powerful as I am, but he seems to enjoy tax exempt status."
Smithers: "Actually, sir, with our creative bookkeeping, we only pay four dollars a year."
Burns: "You're right! We're getting screwed!... Now all I need to do is come up with a logo. Now, let's see. (draws on a paper) How about this? (holds up a picture that looks just like the 'Special K' logo)."
Smithers: "Well, sir, that one's already a logo. For a breakfast cereal."
Burns: "And people worship it?"
Smithers: "In a way."
Burns: "Well, how about this?" (holds up paper with a schwatztica drawn on it)
Smithers: "Why don't you let me come up with the logo, sir."
Burns: "Hello lonely mortals. In addition to working for me, you may now worship me. As your God."
Smithers: "Amen, sir. mmmm."
Lenny: "Mr. Burns is alright, but he's no bowl of Special K."
Lisa: "Thanks for taking me to this alternative medicine store, Dad. I know how you hate all that new-agey stuff."
Homer: "You must be thinking of your mother. I'm always broadening my horizons into realms of...can't we just go in?"
Hippie lady: "Nambaste."
Homer: "And a 'ooga-booga' to you, too."
lady: "Would you like to hear about our herbal teas?"
Homer: "Absolutely not. My daughter's tummy hurts. Do you have anything to stop her complaining?"
...
Homer: "Oh, look; I've been wanting to buy a...dream catcher?! Gimmie a break!"
Lisa: "Dad, I wish you'd be more open-minded about other cultures."
Homer: "Other cultures are fine. I'm just saying I can get along in life without a 'tooth brush.'"
Originally posted by player420Is that the one where they climb into those coffin things and then everything from the store gets reposessed and homer's coffin falls off the truck? That one was funny!!🙂
Lisa: "Thanks for taking me to this alternative medicine store, Dad. I know how you hate all that new-agey stuff."
Homer: "You must be thinking of your mother. I'm always broadening my horizons into realms of...can't we just go in?"
Hippie lady: "Nambaste."
Homer: "And a 'ooga-booga' to you, too."
lady: "Would you like to hear about our ...[text shortened]... "Other cultures are fine. I'm just saying I can get along in life without a 'tooth brush.'"
I really am surprised nobody mentioned one of my favorite quotes. In the episode $pringfield (Or, How I Learned To Stop Worrying And Love Legalized Gambling), Mayor Quimby says: "I propose that I use what's left of the town treasury to move to a more prosperous town and run for mayor. And, uh, once elected, I will send for the rest of you."
Feivel the HardcoreSimpson'sLovingFreethinker
Lisa: "This is just another pointless chapter in the rivalry between Springfield and Shelbyville. They built a mini-mall, so we built a bigger mini-mall. They made the world's largest pizza, so we burned down their city hall."
Homer: "Yeah, they swore they'd get us back by spiking our water supply, but they didn't have the guts."
Marge (takes a drink from the kitchen sink): "Ooooh, the walls are melting again..."
Chicken (emerges from the oven): "Personally, I think I'm overdone." (hops out the window)
Tour Guide at Fort Sensible: "This cannon has been fully restored and is in ready-to-fire condition. But it's a good thing we're not firing it, because it happens to be aimed at the main support leg of that lookout tower. People don't realize how sensitive these old cannons are; the slightest jolt could set them off."
(school bus comes rollong in and hits the cannon, knocking it over.)
Tour guide: "Of course, for saftey reasons, we don't leave the cannon loaded. It's just common sense!"
Homer: "Stealing! I can't believe it! Didn't you learn anything from that guy who talks at church?! Captain what's-his-name?! We live in a society of laws! Why do you think I took you to all those Police Academy movies?! For fun?! Well, I didn't hear anybody laughing! Did you?! Except at that guy who makes sound effects. Ee, Ew, Ee, ew. Zoom, beep! Ha ha ha. Anyway, where was I? Oh yeah; Stay outa my booze!"
How about...TV sucks from Bart...
Can't be bothered writeing out the whole thing...but it's where Homer goes on about he wanted something, held his breath until he got it, and passed out.
The Bart goes, "Is there a point to this story?"
Homer : "I like stories."
And the "See My Vest" song from Mr Burns. That's classic.