player420 says...
somebody should start a Simpsons Fan Clan. I would do it, but I really don't feel like running a clan.
Here's today's quote:
Mr. Burns: "Well, now that I'm forcibly retired, I'd like to do something to give back to the community. But first, I want to do a lot of opium."
Smithers: "O...K. (approaches shopkeeper) I'd like to buy some drugs."
Shopkeeper (loud and conspicuous): "Drugs? Everything is drugs! Look, banana made of drugs, monkey made of drugs. Whole market made of drugs!"
Smithers: "hmm...I'll take this."
Shopkeeper: "Only American money. (quiets down) Our money is made of drugs."
Homer:
"Dear Lord, thank You for this microwave bounty, even though we don't deserve it. I mean... our kids are uncontrollable hellions! Pardon my French... but they act like savages! Did You see them at the picnic? Oh, of course You did... You're everywhere, You're omnivorous. Oh Lord! Why did You spite me with this family?"
🙂
Bart:
Christmas is a time when people of all religions come together to worship Jesus Christ."
🙂
Bart saying grace:
"Dear God. We paid for all this stuff ourselves, so thanks for nothing."
🙂
Jehovah's Witnesses outside the Simpsons' home:
"Noreen: Wait, Marvin, I just had a thought. Maybe we're bothering people by trying to change their religion. What if we don't have all the answers?
Marvin: You're right, Noreen. Let's go get real jobs."
🙂😀
Originally posted by CKHomer: Ok Bart before we go on this dangerous mission let us pray
Homer:
"Dear Lord, thank You for this microwave bounty, even though we don't deserve it. I mean... our kids are uncontrollable hellions! Pardon my French... but they act like savages! Did You see them at the picnic? Oh, of course You did... You're everywhere, You're omnivorous. Oh Lord! Why did You spite me with this family?"
🙂
Bart:
Christmas is ...[text shortened]... don't have all the answers?
Marvin: You're right, Noreen. Let's go get real jobs."
🙂😀
*Bart nods*
Homer: Oh Lord, we now you must be busy since you can see women changing their clothes and stuff, but if you help us with this tonight we'll donate all the profit to charity.
Bart: He's not stupid Dad.
Homer: Ok, screw it. Let's roll!
😀
Lisa: "We're sorry she broke your heart, Grandpa."
Grandpa: "Well, it hurts now, but that'll go away once the senility kicks in. Ah, there she goes. (to Homer) You know, I have a son about your age..."
One more for today.
Kent Brockman: "This just in: 3M and Eminem have merged to form... get this: Ultradine Systems! And speaking of news stories, here's another..."
Disco Stu: “Snowfox at five o’clock. (sings) Move it in, shove it out, disco lady. (to Marge) Is this seat taken?”
Marge: “Um, I think that’s an armrest.”
Stu: “So, do you party?”
Marge: “You mean like… hats and noisemakers kind of party?”
Stu: “Sure, babe. Whatever your trip is. Disco Stu wants you to be comfortable while he does his thing.”
Marge: “Who’s Disco Stu?”
Bart and Lisa: “Hey, Mom!”
Marge: “Hi, Pumpkins!”
Stu: “Kids! (sings) Back away, not today, disco lady.”
……………… (Later that same episode)…
Nurse: “Mrs. Simpson, what are you doing?!”
Marge: “I couldn’t sleep knowing that window had a smudge on it.”
Nurse: “You’re here to rest. If you want the window cleaned, just push the call button.”
Marge: “Oh, I don’t want to be a bother.”
Nurse: “Wouldn’t bother us. It just turns up your morphine.
Marge (spacy): “Ah, so it does.”
Nurse: “Stop pushing that! Mr. Socomoto is here for your acupuncture.”
Mr. Socomoto (with heavy Japanese accent): “Now, Mrs. Simpson, just lie back and relax. Mr. Socomoto wants you to be comfortable while he does his thing.”
Bart: "That sucks!"
Marge: "Bart! Where did you learn language like that?"
Homer (on the phone): "Yeah, Moe, that team sure did suck last night. They just sucked! Yeah, they were the suckiest bunch of sucks that ever sucked."😛
Marge: "Homer!"
Homer: "Oh, I gotta go; my damn wiener kids are listening."
Bart and Lisa: "Dad!"
Homer: "What?"
Lisa: "We are not wieners!"
Homer: "Well, then why are you dressed like that?"
Bart: "They made us."
Homer (mock-whining): "Oh, they made us. (toughens up) That's wiener talk!"
Mr. Burns: “Well, Hello, Marge. Lovely day for tennis, eh?”
Marge: “I thought you had your own court.”
Smithers: “He did. He had it converted into a human chess board.”
Black bishop: “Hey, Burns has been gone for a while.”
Black rook: “Let’s make a run for it.”
Black king: “Come back, fools! Protect me!” (gets attacked by several white pieces)
The Simpsons at the cinema watching "The Poke
of Zorro.": The hero of the film fights the Three Musketeers. He
runs all three of them through with his sword:
Musketeer: "Sacre bleu! The deadly poke of Zorro!" [all three collapse]
[the Man in the Iron Mask attacks Zorro. Zorro slices a "Z" in the man's shirt]
Man: "What? "N?" What does "N" stand for?"
Zorro: "No, no. It's a "Z." I am Zorro. "Z" for Zorro! I have come to return King Arthur to the throne."
Bart: [in audience] "It's a history lesson come to life!"
Lisa: "No, it isn't. It's totally inaccurate."
Bart: "Quiet! Here come the ninjas." [fighting noises are heard from the screen]
🙄
Here's another great quote that got cut out when the episode went to syndication:
Homer: "I need to think of a name that's cutting edge. Like 'cutco' or 'edgecom' or 'intersplice.' Help me think of a name, Marge."
Marge: "How about... Compu-Global Hyper Mega-Net."
Homer: "Fine, it's not important. What is important is my title. Vice President. No, wait. Wait, Junior Vice President."
(phone rings)
Homer (answers the phone): "Compu-Global Hyper Mega-Net. Junior Vice President Homer Simpson speaking... (listens on the phone for a few seconds, then holds it out for Marge) It's Patty."😛